Nearly 40 years ago, the little town I grew up is really a little town. Today, the town no longer little, my room has grown 3 to 4 times bigger.
From a tight knitted family because everyone stayed in a small space of 2 bedrooms for 6 people until 1 bedroom each with toilet attached but the heart grew further apart.
A small house where everyone has a part to play becomes a big house where phone calls are needed to tell that dinner is ready.
She wanted a big house. Her dream house with garden to be mended by him but he is too forgetful by the time.
She wanted all her children to get married but never thought that her children will leave the nest.
She worried for everyone but only through strong words saying none are good enough.
Growing old is scary. Scarier and dying young. Her mom just lying on the bed talking to herself loudly. While she busy taking care of food etc. He getting dementia, forgetting even if he had eaten his previous meal.
Seeing how life gets old seems scary. Becoming forgetful, lonely, and disabled. How would I want to become?
I used to think the past seems so beautiful. That time I was innocent, naive, feels good and loved. As I grow older, I discover the ugly side of being adults, the difficulty of fighting diseases, the terrible part of hopelessness, and the worse wait for the end of life.
Well, growing old. How to avoid it?
It is inevitable that everyone grows old. But some escaped dying young. Are they better not growing old?
Old without money, without shelter, cannot walk, cannot self care, no one else around, better die early and not growing old.
Why shall I grow old? Shall I ask God to take me away when I reach 60? By then my friends are few, my life lonely, might have to check-in to old folks home or shall I just buy a house and die inside? Muahahaha... Why growing old feels so terrible 😔
