Good Morning 2009, Good Night 2008!

My last post for 2008, concluding the year.

I attended the last cell group meeting of the year, here's some photographs (to prove I did attend... hehehe, haven't been faithful to attend CG, sorry, guys.): CG Christmas gathering photographs.

I thank God for the days He provided and took care of me throughout 2008.

I specially thank God for 2 spiritual ladies who have supported me throughout the year, pulling the strings to keep me from falling down.

I thank God for CG members (and my brother, also one of the CG member) who kept me in prayer and always welcome me back to CG.

I thank God for people he brought into my life, smiling events, touching moments, sad times, and His abundant grace.

This year an old lady left us to be with God. She is not that close with me but I don't even have a picture of her to remember her. She left on Christmas morning in pain (heart attack). It wasn't so sad about it but I know we are not going to expect a nice little grandma giving us ang pao for the year. My dad always driver her to church, she was my dad's cell member. We had some good times enjoying the gentleness of ama -- that's how we call her. But now, we have to learn how to give her gentleness to others because she left us with a warmth in our heart to care to share.

Well, many people left and be with the Lord this year but we never forget what they left behind for us to enjoy and remember. May be it's time to review again and to think about ourselves -- what do we want people to remember about us when we die?

I guess I couldn't finish the book "Victory over the darkness" this year, but I will try my very best to practise what I have learned from the book in 2009. Hoping to see a change in me through God.

To declare my identity:
I am a child of God. I am loved and given eternal life by God.

I believe and have faith in God.

Thank you Jesus Christ for His sacrifice. Now I appreciate everytime I can end my prayer with "In Jesus Name". It is by His name my prayers are answered. It is in His name my life was restored.

May the love of Jesus Christ brings you and me, peace and joy.

Happy New Year 2009!

Sober

Staying sober is the hardest thing for a strong addict.

When you quit from something, you stay sober and as long as you can get use to sober, you can get off with the addiction.

It felt so good to deepen into the lies of the devil but I realise it is not freedom but bondage. A "temporary pleasant" bondage. I'll have to stay sober and keep it up. Until now, I still can't get myself out of the shadow of the devil's claw. I see where I am but I'm not going out of where I am.

I want to get out and break free. No matter how hard it could be. I should and will, this time, get myself over and do not stop when it's so hard and difficult to fight and resist. For I am not alone. The key figure of Christmas -- Jesus Christ is with me and He will always be there for me. I just need to trust and jump over the gap.

My greatest fear when I was small is to jump over a drain. Even though I know the gap of the drain is not too wide for my legs to get across, I'm just not able to bear the thought of falling into the drain. Even until now, I still hesitate every time I need to cross one. But I still cross all the drains without falling into one, should I be gaining enough courage to get over the next one? I guess not. But every time I will step out in faith the cross the gap for I know He is with me, I shall have no doubts. Even if I fall, he is by my side. How far do I still want to keep Him away from my business? Soon, I will learn how to take baby steps to stand and be still.

So, Christmas has been meaningful for me. How about you? May be you should give Jesus Christ a chance to renew and change your life. For I have found the true Prince of Peace and I have decided to resist the lies of the devil.

Isa 30:15

Isaiah 30:15 (New International Version)

 15 This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
       "In repentance and rest is your salvation,
       in quietness and trust is your strength,
       but you would have none of it.

Exposure is no good.

I saw this when I browse through the recent updates in Live Home, "silly..dun destroy my name!"

I've used that person's name on my blog before... I thought to myself, did I misused the name? So, I put my post on draft, hopefully not cache by google yet...

Knowing too much is sometimes not so good. I'd rather know what I need to know and what I am allowed to know... I shall stop worry about these little things. Waste my time!

So, who cares if I did something wrong? I have done it, tell me and I will change. Thank you.

Diary #20081209

Last Thursday, I had a chat with Angel on Live Messenger. She concluded as follows:

jing ling ; angel: ur this attitude of thinking dat u can't when you can fight ur 'temptations'
jing ling ; angel: u kept thinking n doubting...
jing ling ; angel: because of dat..u allowed the devil a chance to enter easily

Today, a few days later, I had to admit that she was right. Many incidents happened just these few days allowed me to conclude that she was right. I struggled to accept the fact.

It was a few dreams...
One night, Andrew Chan came to our place. He did some foot massage and told me I have a lot of dreams at night during sleep. I told him it was normal to have dreams, wasn't it? Few weeks later, 2 nights ago, I had a dream about Wen. It was a bad dream. The worst I've ever had in my lifetime. A dream about me hurting Wen and I regretted and felt sorry about what I did in the dream. Then, in the afternoon the next day, I had a dream about a prostitute mother and a handicapped son. She earn by being a prostitute to raise her son. I felt sorry for her. I wish I could help her. The third one was last night. I couldn't remember the content of the dream but it was something sad and helpless.

The third dream was after I told Wen about the first and second dream. Her angry face is still so vividly shown in my head. I guess the third dream was me trying to get off the sadness.

If I kept thinking like Angel said, I will start to doubt and start to disbelief and then the evil thoughts will embrace me til I cannot breath. I can let it go and let it not harm me anymore. At first, I thought I can ignore the them and think positively but ignoring is not the final shot to end the problem. I need something better. I need God. I need the righteous one to save me from this.

I can fight the 'temptations' with God who gives me strength and He will win the battle for me.

Diary #20081207

I couldn't hold on to the truth. My sister found the "Glucovance" medication prescribed by the doctor last night. I denied it's mine. Later this afternoon, I told my mom and my sister...

My mom started her "nagging" and adviced me not to eat this and that and should eat what and what. Before she went for her nap and after we read my previous blood test report (taken on 19 Aug 2006), she said this, "I think you need to change your job. Your work now is highly affecting your health!"


May be my work does the trigger to my diabetic DNA.. It came from my dad and I knew it for long. It wasn't a surprise but I'm just not use to a sudden change of my diet.

May be it takes a while to adapt to this new change of lifestyle...

Angel once told me I had to have an attitude change... what change do I need to make? I still don't get it. Perhaps the lifestyle change has to first start with the attitude change.

Well, my mother couldn't believe it. I was advised to do another check up to confirm the symptoms like ants on my urine is proven to be high glucose. Hopefully I can do it real soon. I mean real soon.

Diary #20081206

I felt so guilty looking at the open fridge. I dare not take any food I like even though I was hungry. Still accumulating courage to tell my parents the bad news about my glucose test...

Family History + Loss Weight [+ Lost Ants in toilet]

Confirmed diagnosis:

Glucose (Fasting) 17.2 MMOL/L (Normal: <6.1) = Diabetic

I accepted the medication for 30 days and second visit to evaluate the medication effect after 25 days (30 Dec 2008) - Hopefully good news before new year... I shall listen and do exactly as the doctor advised..

Way later only go for extra check ups on Kidney lar, eyes lar.. depending on the second visit blood test results.

Bless me.

17.8

Does these numbers mean anything to you?

When the doctor saw the numbers, she was overwhelmed. Immediately, she double confirm with the nurse to see if the little device is new. She wasn't sure what she was reading is correct or not.

17.8 is displayed on the screen of that small little glucose test device. My friend who went in before me only had 8.8, which is already considered high. My reading shocked the doctor for a while.

She explained to me how important to take the lab test for accuracy. I told her I will go to my relative's lab to do the test meanwhile I let her pull more blood for lab glucose test. I will go back and collect my report tomorrow. Hopefully, it was just a joke... hahahah.. It will not be and I'll need to adjust my life again..

17.8 - Does it mean anything to you?

Words : More than words.

I admit that I do enjoy blogs with photos/pictures. They look more interesting and lively.

I do not have such passion to grab every opportunity to take pictures/photos. I just love to write.

I had a very busy Friday night, Saturday and Sunday. My church is celebrating 110th anniversary and 30th mission conference. I was glad to be there throughout the process. But in my mind, the work that is left incomplete let me to think that I do not have a good testimony. I simply did not do good to others by what I did.

My church theme this year is "One World One Vision". Beyond words. More than words. It's a picture to begin with. That's how beautiful our eyes were created to be able to see things that's beyond our understandings.

It is also easier to understand through pictures.

On Saturday night, I was not able to sustain throughout the sermon because it was too tiring after a whole day of physical activities during the children mission conference. We were blessed to have a good weather when we started the opening ceremony. The rain from Friday night stopped right on time. Although my team did not win any prizes but I felt the children and I know they need the gospel very much. These blessed children should be a blessing to others with what they have instead they are now abusing what they own and fear much to give/share their love with others.

How unfortunate the children who have nothing but the streets as their bed and the rubbish as their food. How fortunate we are to have a lovely house, nice clothes, good shoes, nutritious meals. I felt ashamed that I did not do my best to help those in need instead I'm abusing what I have. Sometimes, I overeat, other times, I over sleep. Therefore, on Sunday morning when we did our pledge for next year's mission fund, I dare not keep an account for myself because for what I have is what God gave. I do not and is not capable of getting all my labour worth a cent/penny if it was not God's grace.

May be you will say I'm too religious but I truly believe that God has put more that what I've asked for in my life. How little can I pay back with that little pledge card. I just hope I could help more.

On Sunday, the speaker, Dr. John Chang was a funny man. I like his voice, his tone is just nice to be heard. His attention to environment was great as well. He is the only speaker who speaks and look around to seek attention from everyone. He is very polite. He preached about team building and I think he is a great person in team building. He do things in humorous way so that people can accept his suggestion and change. He also reminded me that I am no longer a good team player.

Later that evening, my church celebrated our anniversary in a restaurant. The dishes were great except for the second dish that consists of 5 different small portions of food. Overall, I like the celebration. Especially, it was so soothing to have all brothers and sisters in Christ sitting over the table to enjoy the nice food together. The choir and praise and worship were great and amazing! They sang like angels from Heaven. I was touched by the lyrics. It says, "I will honor him in every choice I make". Have I honor God in every choice that I make?

How I hope, my thoughts, my words and my actions honor Him in every way that I can.

Why I sinned? Partly because I am not at the right place doing what I am suppose to do. Slowly, I was tempted and committed sin.

Dear Lord, help me to live a life that honors you in every way I can. Strengthen me to do the right thing. Give me spiritual wisdom so that I make right choice that glorifies your name. For what I can do is by your grace. In Jesus name, I pray, Amen.

I dedicated my heart to the Lord of the universe that is above all. Shall I bear the fruit of the Holy Spirit and walk the only bright and victorious path to seek His face.