#gratitude #day10of10

I'm finishing my 10th day, although not consecutively,and is way passed the original deadline. I realised it is really hard for me to write every day. Perhaps weekly and occasionally during the week if any.

Thank God for:

A. Full of warm and 

I'm overwhelmed by the grace and mercy of God for the wonderful team work that worked out so well for a friend's birthday party. Still so touched by you, Lord, the wonderful feeling of trusts felt throughout the whole "project"! 

I'm so blessed by my friend's mother, when we visited them on Saturday lunch time. She is so warm and welcoming, made me feel so comfortable. I uttered some words I never thought I'd say to an elderly person. I said the plant 'Bung Dai Woon' is a plant that increases sex drives! 🙊 Why would I say that! That's how much trusts her mom and eldest sister gave me that I would use these words.

Indeed, seeing the condition in her house is way different from seeing it through the virtual tour. I can understand what she meant by small. Although I have stayed in smaller houses before, her condition is different from mine. Fuuyoh, her toilet has automated exhaust fan whenever the door is closed, more canggih than my house eh! I feel comfortable to be there. Clean and cozy. Perhaps she envy my big house but I envy also the unity of the whole family and the faith of her mother. 

I kept myself within the common area boundary even though a real tour is what I'm curious to do. But I dare not lah and of course respect people's boundary. Hehe.

This morning my pastor preached about a prophet is God's spokesperson, I thought of this friend. Who is told to be a prophet. When my pastor said a prophet had the ability to let people know God is here. Indeed I can feel God in her house. The little cozy blessed house!

Who is E?

I was also impressed by the wonderful prayer E prayed before we left her house. And that whole 30-45 mins journey was a great time getting to know E. 

E and me is so different, we're like north pole and south pole. She is a focus person but I'm here and there; she is good with direction but I trained myself to remember; she has good command in speech but I'm slow with words. 

Well, interesting to know a new friend, who is perhaps 1 decade younger than me haha.

Boundary

Right before dinner, after my afternoon class, I was texting 2 pastors regarding my write-up about last year's Taiwan trip. I was so excited about the book "Who Moved My Cheese?" and told one of the pastors that I have her book with me haha. So then it triggered the boundary question, how come her book end up with me while she didn't borrow it to me? 

And this triggers me thinking... what should I do in this case? I need to talk to my friend who gave me the book to understand this. 

Family Dinner

I had a fun Korean Bibimbap with BBQ pork dinner with my family and cousins at my only cousin's house. We found out my youngest brother is so good at grilling meat! Had a couple of beer and felt tired much earlier in the night. 

#gratitude #day9of10 1st success surprised birthday celebration!

Finally! Finally! Finally!

Finally I can tell it here! Wow~ I'm so proud of myself to have successfully completed a surprised birthday celebration for my dear sister Min-D!

I'm so happy!

In fact the idea started last week, a few days after I started working. How to celebrate her birthday during MCO? So sad, I can't bring her to eat her favourite food and her friends also cannot. I thought, what about virtual party? Some people did and they felt blessed! But she said no oh... How ah 🤔

Through our conversation, I know she will feel happy if we can meet physically. Especially she said when L brought her basil leaves on Friday, she was so happy to see her physically! And she was so happy when I told her I might pass by her house on Saturday night but I didn't because of some timing issue. So, 💡 I thought why not we barge into her house and give her a surprise? CMCO says go out if necessary. It's necessary to keep my friend sane and happy! Haha😜

But at the same time I was struggling inside. Is it right for me to do this? What if her family members scared we bring virus to their house? What if we went the wrong time and interrupted her family's schedule? So many what ifs.... So, I open my idea to another 2 friends. 

L said, she has class on Monday night, hmm.. so either earlier in the evening, or late at night. But E is working even though it's a public holiday. She is struggling whether to take half day leave to do this. But, but, it would be so nice if 3 of us can go together 🥺 how lar like that... 

So how lar? Left E and proceed with L? What if after her class at 10pm? L needs to sleep early and I can imagine my mom screaming her head off when I leave home at 9pm to go out celebrate birthday. And another challenge is my family scheduled family altar time changed to Monday 8-9pm... Ah... Challenge after challenge 😣

My sis said why not celebrate on another day? Well, I was thinking of doing it before her actual birthday since 2 of us definitely can't make it on her actual day. So, I shared this idea and both of them is agreeable! Ha, so my worry if she might not feel good because it's after her birthday etc, is lessen, since it's supported by others. Phew~

Okay, set, Saturday it is. So, I concentrate back on my life for the rest of the Monday afternoon. 

Throughout the week, everyday, I would think, how to do it? Should I make lava cake for her? But lava only lasts a few minutes and my house is 30 mins away... should I bring her kimchi since she likes Korean? Should I just resort to make a almond cake that is nice and special? But I've never bake a cake before.... Will it fail? Should I buy her 🍕? But she just had it for mother's day... All my plans has a problem.

So L suggested to get an ice cream cake which she knows where to source it. Wow~ great idea and though it's not inside scoop but chocolate ice cream, 2 of her favorite food in 1, okay lar. Not my perfect idea but it's a workable idea and doesn't burden any of us too much. So I let L handle the cake. In fact I think L loves her more than I do hahaha... When did this become a competition to gain a friend's love? 🙈

Anyway, the cake is settled but I still think not enough... So continue to day dream about the details and repeating all the what ifs scenarios in my head again and again... Actually no answer also...

Then on her actual day, things happened. Family issues, she felt so down. I thank God we did plan to go on that day and neither the day before because all the happiness will just be gone with the wind because of the family issue! Ah, God is more brilliant as always than my little brain. I'm glad I got this confirmation in my heart that the decision to do it on Saturday wasn't wrong. Although it's a little sadden by her family issue and I couldn't help at all. Just pray that God will carry them through.

Well, my mind didn't stop thinking, so I started asking questions about what we like to eat etc... And found out her dad doesn't like 🍕... So what does she like to eat? 🍗or🍕? She answered 🍔 from MyBurgerLab... My heart drown... How to get this? I forced her to choose 🍗😁.

It was so mind boggling to go through the details again and again. I decided to ask L & E for help. So L asked if I have a plan... Actually I have some thoughts but not really a plan. So, I quickly ecxel-ised my thoughts and ask them for a quick 30mins zoom. Then I could focus back to work again. Arghhhh~ sometimes I hate it when my mind think faster than I act. Which is why a lot of times I thought I've done something but I haven't in actual fact...

I'm surprised E was impressed by my excel... I was like erm... That's the only way I know how.... I'm very excel lady oh.... Hahahaha even I calculate spending using excel also hahaha....

During our zoom meet, I keep repeating the what ifs scenarios again and E stopped me. She said, those things not important. I was like what if I buy KFC but her dad doesn't like? I wish to please everyone of her family member but those are not important! What is most important is to appear physically in front of her eyes. Everything else doesn't matter. For the next couple of days, I had to keep repeating this whenever the what if comes into my mind. It helps. I admire E for her ability to focus!

Busy Friday I had, getting things ready, trying to finish work early to get the booklet from canaanland bookstore, getting my stuff from PJ, and yet to write something for her. I couldn't write anything to her... Aiyo... I feel like I keep writing selfishly which I should focus on her, not how I feel. I couldn't sleep on Friday night, keep peeling my nails off, my sis told me before it's an indicator I'm stressed. 

In the end I had to sleep because of tiredness.

Saturday is D day! I woke up early, water my mom's plants and getting myself some breakfast. The breakfast burned of because of my nervousness within 1 hour of consuming, while writing a card for her and wrapping a book 'The Shack' for Lydia.

I was late and it is hot, I had to take a bath to cool down, then the deliveryman came to deliver my sister's parcel, I had to wash my hands before leaving. Then the car on the road was a lot causing slow traffic... Everything seems to be late but God's is always right!

Smoothly we reach her house, gathered and action starts but Min-D want feeling well and looks pale. But very quickly she acted according and slowly her face recover from paleness. Phew~ God heals through our surprise visit.

Had a great time with her family and I even left with some grass Beng Dai Wun to replant in my house for consumption!

The whole day ended with a solution for my mom to use her phone to connect to TV HDMI. So glad done so many things! 

Felt a great achievement! We hugged even during CMCO. It felt so good to get not just one but 2 hugs, also from her mom!

Wow~ God's guidance and grace from within!

Actually I planned to bring her out or something special on the following Saturday, whole month is her birthday month, but am I too over?!

Up till here. To be continued...

#gratitude #day8of10

Today I felt frustration and headache because of a work task I cannot solve and don't know what was the problem. After taking a short break with a movie "The Shack" over lunch, I released all my negative emotions through tears and after that I'm able to rely on God to regain my concentration and solved the problem! Hooray!

I prayed to God to help me focus, so I can finish my work faster and then can go buy the books needed for my online class and a gift, which is why I was so stressed since morning. But everything went well eventually after lunch.

I also managed to finish church bulletin over lunch cooking haha!

So you think work from home is easy huh. Wait till you experience it. Haha. I need to prepare all my meals and hence eat with my laptop sometimes is inevitable hahaha.

I did went to PJ to grab the books and grab some of my stuff and some groceries! When I got home, I saw 2x2litre milk in the fridge! Oh, someone bought! Then later I found out...

10 packets of cream crackers! And I bought 3 packets too! Everyone went and get something today ha!

Finally got home, in time for prayer meeting. Also on the way to and fro PJ, I finish listening to one sermon about talking with God, enjoying His presence. It says, even if I can't feel & hear Him, I'll choose to rely and trust in Him! That's how I should have a relationship with my God! I will miss my friends but have I ever miss God? That's the question worth asking.

Time to get myself together, prepare for tomorrow!

#gratitude #day7of10 learn to rely on God

It is difficult at first, when it comes to rely on someone, especially someone invisible. 

But then you come to think of it, we rely on air also without seeing it.

So, today I felt so stressed up because my money paid to pizzaexpress but the order was cancelled by the store on that day itself but refund was not. I spent so much time (countless) to look for another way apart from email and found a whatsapp number so I sent a text message but only getting an auto-reply later on.

Well, what else did I not give it up to God?

Thank God for always being there. When I'm weak, He is strong. Now I know what is means.

He will surely show me a way, the way that is good for me and pleases Him. 

So, apart from these little daily things that I feel I can use my human power to get what I want, what else I am holding back from God?

In fact, all areas if I feel I'm so good, easily I will just do it by myself and forget about God's involvement.

Thank God he won't so easily give up because He'd paid a price to redeem me from my sins, so that I can face Him and draw close to Him!

Help me, Father, to give you all I have and to rely on You for all the big or little things in my life. Teach me to surrender bit by bit until I am a pleasing sacrifice to You. Thank You, Lord. 

"This loneliness is killing me" vs “我寂寞寂寞就好” 

Take a look at this video when you're lonely :)

这个影片看看吧，不错治疗寂寞症。

#gratitude #day6of10 What a DAY!

Last night, my chest stuffy, not sure was it because of the black pepper soup or the kimchi. I sleep super early. Woke up at 5am only. No midnight pee, thank God!

I went back to sleep and woke up again around 8am, everything was late. Late breakfast, late to water Mom's vege, late finish breakfast, late to work my friend Happy Birthday, rush to start work, rush to cook lunch, receive parcels, back to work, catch up meeting, water vege, cook dinner, online class, and there goes my day.

No time to translate slides for prayer meeting, no time to follow up on worship service order, no time to order books from canaanland bookstore for free delivery, no time to order my ballpoint pen ink refill, no time to exercise, still many things to do... 

Everything was done for the day, at least I need to sleep first. Catch up tomorrow early morning!

My friend's grandma 200+km away feel down. Nothing we can do to help her or even to cheer her up. God did. God is good all the time! Even in such tough time she managed to pull through by quietly seeking God's guidance and indeed God provided her the peace that transcends all understanding and helped her with a tough decision to go back with her dad to help her grandma or not. I can see she greatly experiences God and our Father in heaven is always faithful and never changes even in our pandemic times!

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. In Jesus' mighty name, Amen.

#gratitude #day5of10

It supposed to be on 5th May but I was so stressed up about restarting work. I neglected God. I started doubting. Doubting whether my decision is right to go back to workplace.

Well, hopefully a few more times of adjustment, things will ease up a little. Technology really sucks up a lot of time. But then why do I feel that? What is more important?

What is so important that when the time is occupied by something less important, I feel lived less?

Thank God yesterday after that sweaty time of 1.5 hours of mopping, I was enabled to get myself back and with a good nap. Plus tonight where all the things are brought to light with the little group of sisters.

Some dark secrets need light to purify it. Not remained in darkness anymore. 

I'm sleepy after starting work. May tonight be a good rest and tomorrow a better day!

#gratitude #day4of10

First day returning to work, a little bit overwhelmed by the length of meetings. Because I'm only listening to the online meeting, no videos, feel so difficult to concentrate and easily distracted. Gotta rebuild my momentum and stamina to work!

Thank God, I pulled through the whole day and though getting very little done but at least I know I'm accepted by the team. Regardlessly, I know where I am and why I'm back. It's the most peaceful decision to make for now.

I'm thankful for my sister, who prepared lunch for me and my mom who prepared dinner for me! I'm so blessed.

I'm thankful for brother Soon Lih to help with church PowerPoint slides to relieve me from it as I just started working.

Thankful that I'm a child of God and no matter what happens, I know God is there and he speaks in a gentle, loving way for me to hear him with a soft heart.

Thankful for God's guidance through a rocky day.

Thankful my bro and his wife is with us at the dinner table and good food were shared!

Thankful that SL reminded me of the slides and I got it sorted tonight so I can have 1 day to work on it.

God is good all the time, all the time God is good!

Hoping for a better tomorrow and an early wake! Goodnight, God. See you tomorrow!

#gratitude #day3of10

So, today is a busy day, morning worship service, lunch, 2 hour class, updates on upcoming Wed's talk slides, mom's Sunday School material digitization, dinner, and now continue to finish up the slides...

I feel so tired now and sleepy...

Anyway, to thank God, there are always things to thank God for:

1. Thank God, I found out why my youngest brother didn't attend physical Sunday Worship Service-- he's been hanging out with friends for drinks. 
2. Thank God, my youngest brother said he is going to stop drinking altogether.
3. Thank God, I realised my pride in dressing up for worship service, and I repented and focus on God.
4. Thank God, I learned a great lesson from today's sermon.
5. Thank God, I am blessed with skills that is appreciated by my company to accept me back after 4 months sabbatical leave.
6. Thank God, He loves me, period.
7. Thank God, period.
8. Thank God for the wonderful dinner my brother and mom made!
9. Thank God my sister ordered KFC for lunch today!
10. Thank God my sister baked us a burnt cheese cake!
11. Thank God my father distributed the holy communion and said a prayer today!
12. Thank God today is so peaceful.
13. Thank God my mom confessed her anger to us this morning.
14. Thank God there are many things to thank God for.
15. Thank God I'm on the 15th items, my basketball shirt number, still love it! God granted talent to play basketball!
16. Thank God June offered to pray for me today for my work to begin tomorrow.
17. Thank God last night we (the 4 sisters group) had a good laugh instant messaging~

There are yet plenty to thank God for. How can I not thank God for not giving up on me, supplying all my needs, revealing His love to me, ...

hahaha, today is a blessed day~ 

I hope tomorrow I will rely on Him to run another grateful and victorious day!

Tomorrow is my #firstdaywork after 4 months leave, I pray that God will continue to be my daily focus and guide me to live a balance life.

I'm so loved 😍

Last words, everytime good things come, the next challenge will be right next. So, be prepared!

#gratitude #day2of10

Thank God; thank you, Jesus, thank you...

I never know I blame myself so much for his passing away without a chance to accept Jesus Christ...

Lord Jesus,

I thank you for the healing through tears, to touch me with your freedom -- true freedom from all guilt, self-condemnation.

It is not my fault, I used to keep telling myself but statements cannot free me from all the guilt feeling.

To me, it was a chore, a homework, to share the gospel to anyone. I didn't have much experience with Jesus Christ back then. I tried once shared with 1 close friend but it didn't work out as per my expectation, so I kinda gave up.

In 2016, he was infected with dengue fever, and 1 week from the day I visited him in hospital, which is already in induced coma situation, he left. I never had a chance to share with him, to get him to know Christ.

I felt so responsible for his salvation, which is again, not my responsibility.

Jesus Christ, I thank you for releasing me from this bondage. Set me free so that when I share your gospel, it is a gospel of freedom.

Thank you, Jesus.

I pray in the Mighty name of Jesus, Amen.

==========

• Releasing me from self-blaming
• Healing me from the guilt of not "saving" my friend

#gratitude #day1of10

Today it's the first day, to start a new habit of gratitude.

So, well, there are many things to thank God for:

1. Confirmation on my job, last night a friend contacted me about her offer is no longer available. Thank God I didn't go into that job and found out I need to find another job just after 1 month :)
2. A rainy day for the cold weather
3. Completed my church slides and bulletin! Spent 2 days this week due to many materials to make into slides.

Well, 3 is consider many lor~ hahaha

• I did my squat exercise also, was feeling lazy but for the good of my physical body.
• Started this habit for next 10 days to write down my daily gratitude.

Week 2 of 2020

This year, I decided to write a weekly journal at the end of every week.

A week of blurry vision and headaches. 

A week of reflecting my diet and health.

A time to think about God's word. God's blessings in difficult times

A time to think of a new career or work or job or role.

A time to upkeep my car. Given it a good bath and a new set of wheels. Vroom Vroom~

A friend "forced" me to the park to walk after my long day of sleeping. Reviewing all my failures and encouraging me to restart with help.

I am so uncertain and feel helpless abput the future. Sometimes I can behave and self discipline, sometimes I just overdo or don't care much. How lar, in the beginning of year already have this kind of mindset haha. Start with the end in mind, I think I started with the end already hahaha.

Okay, time to be serious. So, this year, don't talk about 12 months but first 3 months is crucial for me to bring my BG and HbA1C down. I don't know how low it can go, I hope and plan to go within 7 from 13. So, I need to start OMAD, LCIF, and every possible ways to get back my life. I felt lethargic all the time with this body and it's condition. And to commit this to God as He will be my guide, I just need to walk closely with Him and listen and take heed of what He says/whispers. And execute or act on what I heard. That's enough.

Oh, by the way, I plan to copy some Bible verses during lunch time as I learn to fast (may be + pray as my friend suggested). Let's do 1 and increase by 1 everyday. Gambatte 💪

God's blessings will always be there in times of battles. I just need to be able to see / discern. As I walk, I will see His act and see how He is working and work together with Him. He will bring me through.

Week 2 done!