Bones

It has just become my favorite American series!

Love

I started to wonder about love again. Sometimes, we just say we love this someone someone or we love else one. But what is love really?

Is doing something means love? No. That's the action of love.
Is not doing something love? No. That's being nice.

So, what is love exactly?

May be I'm too rational and I couldn't feel any love at all... that's why marriage is such a dream for a person like me.

I spend a lot of time thinking but in the end the conclusion is null. Human love can change at anytime, how am I suppose to keep my promise during the wedding vow? Therefore, to make no further mistakes, I'd rather keep myself out of marriage (failure).

Marriage

I don't get it. Why two people were in love for such a long time and didn't want to get married but yet they were involved in pre-marital sex and had to get married in the end because the woman is pregnant!

I just can't figure it out.

That's part of the reason I'm resisting any serious relationships... I think any pro-longed relationships can caused the scenario I mentioned above which I think is going to hurt the marriage and the child in the stomach actually knows...

What if you're the baby with such condition of the parents? You'll never ever get to grow normally because deep in your subconscious, you always know, you're the undesired one who caused a "look-like" happy marriage. Sad, isn't it?

Computer Starters Must Know

If you are a newbie to the computer world. Make sure you know this:
How to be a better computer user

Do not complaint later that your computer becomes so inefficient and unproductive.. It's all your own fault!

Classic Example of Browser Toolbars

Nokia - The power to last longer

Now I know why Nokia is the most expensive brand in the olden days and still many people opt to get one. At least they are still "alive" today compare to other brands.

Friendship

First of all, I am weird. So, it is not a surprise to have weird friends.

There is one friend. You can guess in the end whether is he or she.

X is my friend. A weird friend. How weird is X? When I first met X, I notice X is very friendly, outspoken. I thought X would be pretty nice to befriend with but due to my fear of relationships, we never become friends until later. Another friend of mind always hang out with X and we met one night and that was a start of this @@ friendship. Everything seems well when we only meet at night once in a while to have dinner or supper.

We actually had some good time but over time, X's attitude caught some attention. Some of my friends advised me not to be too nice with X because X seems to be "using" me. I didn't care too much and didn't feel like X is "using" me.

Although some of my friends felt unfair for me but we still think that X would be a good companion for a trip together. During the trip, something happened. X is not sporty enough and that makes the whole trip sunk into a tension boycotting mess.

Immediately after the trip, we didn't talk about this but the whole group of friends seemed to have a mutual understanding that X is not a buddy to hang out with and slowly none of the events organised have X in the invitation list.

I don't know how to say this but I felt quite tired in between. I felt like why can't X give me a break? I think may be X didn't know X's problem and didn't change.

I don't want to care anymore. From now on, X is weird and let X have the X power continue to rule X's world but my world is going to come clean from X's power and territory. I will be very clear and very straight forward. If things just didn't work out between me and X, then I guess I have to sing Mariah Carey's hit song "Bye Bye" to X. I always use the word "c ya" to indicate that we will see each other again but to hear bye bye from me it's really hoping we will not meet again.

Anyway, I haven't figure out how to make this clear to X. I thought I could hope that X felt what we are doing to X and will ask me why and how but nothing from X. I think X is just ignorant about all we are doing.

I am weird, X is weird. We just am different in this weird world. I guess, I have my own friends and X deserver to have X's full stop.

Insecurity

I have serious security problems.

I am insecure. So insecure, I just want to be isolated!

If I'm rich enough, I'd stay in a confined asylum room. I think I'm crazy and by thinking this, I am really crazy. Who thinks themselves are crazy?

I'm crazy.

You know the feeling of insecure? so insecure, you think when you hold your fist you just feel nothing!

I felt die to the world... do you care? No one cares! I don't care! Can I just stay up whole night and let myself nearer to the end of my life?

Stressful

A stressful life does not do me any good. I think my sugar level is too high and is causing my irritating stress.


if I have a chance to shout, I'd... I don't know what would I do. I don't normally try to do something that is harmful to other people for example irritate their ears.

I'd want to make sure all things are done perfectly but all things are not in perfect shape!

I've lost people to talk to. They just think I'm an idiot and I am. I am so imperfect and that irritates me!


Argh! Can I have a room with broadband connection with high bandwidth and I just stay there watch all the American drama series and just die there?

I just don't know why others live and for what they live?
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No one care because I don't care.

So what's for dinner? what's for breakfast? what's for lunch? or should I have nothing for all of the above? Argh...

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argh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Relationships

I think nowadays BGR is no longer the heat story but GGR/BBR. However, the questions I had in mind is still about this BGR problem people faced.

I have a male friend, who likes a gal and willing to pursue her as his gf. He hasn't succeed yet. I felt that the gal has nothing romantic with him but he is like so infactuated with her, he was so upset she went out with a guy for dinner. Come on, they have nothing more than normal friendship...
-_-|||

Today, when I was having my morning bath, I think through a lot of things. One thing I had to admit, I have a serious relationship problem. I don't like to build relationships. I don't like people. I don't like guys and I don't like gals. Oh, have to mention, I don't like trans as well. I just don't like anyone. People used up my energy, power, time, everything and in the end what I have is just alone in the solitary night.

Well, may be it's the facts that people has been writing about relationships making me felt worse about being in a relationship. I do many things just out of obligation, not because I wanted to do them, I just do them. Like any soldiers of loyalty, they receive order and complete the mission without questions.

I kept thinking if one day I die, I will have no one to attend my wake service, my burial service and I just left alone for the bugs, the soil and the crops to consume by life-less body. I just felt no excitment about life about things I want to do, about all the most interesting things I've ever done before like love to play basketball, like to window shop basketball shoes, chit-chat over the rainbow. Now I just kept myself in the movies I watch. No one actually understand, including myself, why I won't stop watching american drama series. I'm so addicted. I've built a bond, a strong relationship, with these dramas and I'd hope I'd become one of those character in life.

May be, I'm better off with the life-less things than the human factor relationships. Especially when people working together is giving me stress I couldn't handle. I have, in my lifetime, trying to please everyone but myself. Sad, isn't it... T_T