Diary #20081209

Last Thursday, I had a chat with Angel on Live Messenger. She concluded as follows:

jing ling ; angel: ur this attitude of thinking dat u can't when you can fight ur 'temptations'
jing ling ; angel: u kept thinking n doubting...
jing ling ; angel: because of dat..u allowed the devil a chance to enter easily

Today, a few days later, I had to admit that she was right. Many incidents happened just these few days allowed me to conclude that she was right. I struggled to accept the fact.

It was a few dreams...
One night, Andrew Chan came to our place. He did some foot massage and told me I have a lot of dreams at night during sleep. I told him it was normal to have dreams, wasn't it? Few weeks later, 2 nights ago, I had a dream about Wen. It was a bad dream. The worst I've ever had in my lifetime. A dream about me hurting Wen and I regretted and felt sorry about what I did in the dream. Then, in the afternoon the next day, I had a dream about a prostitute mother and a handicapped son. She earn by being a prostitute to raise her son. I felt sorry for her. I wish I could help her. The third one was last night. I couldn't remember the content of the dream but it was something sad and helpless.

The third dream was after I told Wen about the first and second dream. Her angry face is still so vividly shown in my head. I guess the third dream was me trying to get off the sadness.

If I kept thinking like Angel said, I will start to doubt and start to disbelief and then the evil thoughts will embrace me til I cannot breath. I can let it go and let it not harm me anymore. At first, I thought I can ignore the them and think positively but ignoring is not the final shot to end the problem. I need something better. I need God. I need the righteous one to save me from this.

I can fight the 'temptations' with God who gives me strength and He will win the battle for me.