Love me, love me not.

Sometimes, when you are not sure, you go for random decision but sometimes, you are sure, you just do not want to hurt others nor yourself but that is a hard decision. Either decision you make will hurt one side or the other.

If you tell a person, "I love you", the person may reject you or he/she may accepts you. Either way you are not to risk losing a best friend of life because after you say that line, you no longer keep your friendship the way it was if the situation is not controlled with wisdom.

So, our mind tends to fight for the best way to go for. Whether to risk our friendship or to let ourselves be in the comfortable situation and make no steps forward.

Even though I'm a bit able to fight off some evil thoughts with the Truth, I'm still only at level 1 or 2 -- Rookie level. I still need to pursue a higher level in order to know how to make a wise decision and how to handle the emotional imbalance of making either good/bad decisions.

Sometimes, I just do not know what to consider when making a decision... why have I become like that? I used to know how to make decision? But do I or I just follow my feelings at that time of decision and used to get mad when things get in my way? I think I'm the later one.

This journey is not easy into transformation. My mind goes blank when I need to think of how and why. I can only work on what to do next. And by saying next I mean next minute or second. I can't plan for the next day, week or month before the actually time hits. No wonder my time management is so poor.

I can't even remember what to write after a few minutes later (I've been trying to write a new post since last week, but couldn't remember after something happen in between which distracted my thoughts).

I hope my friends would not give up hope on me. I will continue to improve and with God's help, I believe, I can be better.

The second weekend of 2009 has past and I've also realized the true friends in life. I love you, my true friends.

May be I should flashback on 2008 and see what I've done right and wrong and what I can give thanks and areas that I should improve. Erm... may be later tonight I'll draft it out.

^*^

=)

Hasta la vista