Sadness

I think many a times I smile, I laugh but I don't mean it. I did that all because the people wants to see it. I did it on purpose.

I found an author who is a Taiwanist wrote the book "Winnie (the pooh), don't cry". I don't know why such a guy will have so much of emotions. He cried because his girlfriend left him. He is a collector of Winnie the Pooh and his first Winnie was a present from his girlfriend. Until now, still the one and only first love. He used 6 yrs to be with this girl and 7 yrs to recover from the sadness of losing her.

That leads to me... I have discover many good friends along the way in life but I did not really appreciate them well enough. I still remember I have a friend whom I'd like very much, I gave her my first necklace which cost me about 80% of my monthly allowance. I bought it for myself but when she said she likes it, I gave it to her. However, that was not what she wants and my neck is always empty until now. I received 2 necklace as my birthday present but I lost them. I think that was because they disappear like the first one...

I don't know, just don't understand why can't I like what likes me rather than to love those who do not love me. I'm really a fool. Things that I like is sometimes quite odd but too be a normal one, I tried to be like others who are easily accepted in general. I lost my dreams, I lost my passion, I lost all the love I should have along the way.

I'm not the me I want to be. I'm not being myself, I'm feeling very sad... sad... sad...

Love is like a drug, it can either cure you or hurt you.

Only when you're at that level, you'll feel the pain that someone felt, you'll know the sadness that the person felt. When was the last time you face a person/ a friend with the real you? Me? Never...

Just like a normal tough girl, I will never cry in front of others... even I do that is because I try to be like a normal one but that is not me. That is not the me that I will do. I smile to be polite, I smile to try to be friendly because that is descent and socially acceptable. If I cry, I'm weak, I'm not grown up.

That's why I hate the world of the adults. Everyone is pretending, every face has a.. no, it's several masks on top of it. The masks will never be removed until the day they die. Come on, who can just let me be so comfortable and reveal the real self?