我很累，但我也很拼。
我觉得自己距离完美不远，恕不知天差地般的远。我不愿意接受这个事实。好像我接受了以后，我就不再有能力的范围里面了。
我的心很痛苦。我很软弱。我不知道跟谁说，也不懂该如何是好。
怎么办？我在牛角尖里打转，看不见出路。
很可怜。
倘若我愿意得医治，我还是得再一次揭开伤疤，再一次痛，然后才能完全愈合复原。我愿意吗？我承受得起吗？
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我并不完美，也并不特别
但祢却是为我舍弃生命的主
我时常软弱，有时会迷惑
但祢是道路真理和生命
～勇敢走出去，赞美之泉
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能吗？从新、从心开始？
我像一只受伤的狗，卷曲着身子躲在角落里，深怕那么一点的刺激。
好痛，那被揭开的伤疤。全身红肿、不堪一击。
可是还有许多那些我需要一一拿出来处理掉的伤害。要痛就一次过痛个够。这么多年来的委屈求全终于要破蛹而出飞向那自由的天空，释放一切的苦毒。
真正的爱不应该让人受伤害。也不该让人感到被侵犯。
我觉得自己被妈妈和妹妹的不了解侵犯了很多年。以前离开10年，并没有让一切缓延，只是在回来以后更加重了我的苦毒。妈妈对我永无止境的期待，妹妹对我毫无界线的侵占。我要把它们卸下，放自己一条生路。
用祷告把一切交托给神。重新信靠祂。
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我弃绝我对(某人) 的(憎恨/生气 etc)
因为他(列出其行为), 我感到(受伤，委屈 etc)。
主，我饶恕/原谅并祝福 (某人)。
主，我今天选择将这些(愤怒，罪，恐惧，etc)交给你。
[现在你把这些思想放在一个盒子/袋子里，交给主]. 等候主启示的画面/话语 etc
奉耶稣基督的名，我砍断和(某人) 所有不合神心意的连接/魂结, 收回我对(某人) 因为仇恨而给予的权柄。
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你可以继续祷告
求主指引,当你将要面对(某人) ，你如何回应(某人).
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在圣经中，“异象”通畅是指上帝用“神异之象”来启示祂的心意，而现在我们通常用“异象”（vision，或称愿景）这个词指着上帝感动我们所要达成的终极目的。“异象”也是表达一个组织存在的理由。 夏忠坚牧师在《我们起来建造吧》一书总分享：圣经说“没有异象，民就放肆。”若要建造一间礼拜堂，只把营建工人召来，却没有设计图，工人就无从建造。建造教会也是如此，异象正式建造教会的天上蓝图。 如果没有明确的异象，同工信徒就会依照自己的负担，各有各的方向与事工，而教会发展就因此受阻，而如果有明确的异象，同工和信徒就有献身的所在；就能同心协力建造教会，就能集中人力资源在与异象相关的建造上；就能设立明确的目标；就能有明确的评估标准。 上帝给每个教会的托付都不太一样，有如“城市社区型教会”、“合一宣教 城市植堂”等。基督时报就教会异象话题采访了数位城市教会牧者，邀请他们分享异象对于教会的意义，各自教会异象的丰富内涵，以及上帝借着异象对教会的带领。希望通过对异象话题的分享，帮助教会认识异象的重要性以及建立异象的原则，在神的心意中建立教会。
The Broken Pot
A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on an end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the masters house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his masters house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream.
"I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."
"Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your masters house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts." the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the masters house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again the Pot apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pots side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my masters table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."
Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But if we will allow it, the Lord will use our flaws to grace His Father's table. In Gods great economy, nothing goes to waste. Don't be afraid of your flaws.
Acknowledge them, and you too can be the cause of beauty. Know that in our weakness your strength is made perfect.
(2 Corinthians 12:9)
生之救主，爱我的灵魂；
竭尽所能为我牺牲。
爱我的君王，和平的君王；
十字架上仍赐盼望。
在您里面有活水涌流，
使我饥渴的灵得饱足。
生命的源头，生命的尽头，
都在你手中、掌控中。
一切都成空，应许不落空，
三日复活，后升天空。
您去预备那美好的地方，
您必再来接我回天家；
永永远远在您的家。
Day 2 and 3 was quite bad ... My body seems to have too much reaction towards the supplements and dizziness strikes.
Today, I was off 1 of the supplements for thyroid and it seems like the symptoms has reduced.
However I had some hypoglycemic events over the past 3 days because the gap between lunch and dinner is too wide. Some junks and sweet stuff were consumed to compensate for those moments.
Lack of fiber as well might have contributed to the feeling of unsatisfied.
Another noticeable thing is diarrhea. The poop is actually not a lot but it happened frequently and the stool looks like mud.
Well, there you go, the perseverance is required to continue to push on! Push.Until.Something.Happen!
Decided to embark on a nutritional therapy to achieve my 2017 resolution.
Restarting my diet and fitness regime. Hopefully this time with a little more patience, persistence, and perseverance.
There could be hypoglycemic episodes when my body is adjusting. This is one crucial process to endure through. Previously, this is where I will give up and consume not healthy variety.
Patience is needed to not expect miracles in the first 2-3 weeks. At least 4-5 weeks to see some results.
Discipline is the only way this will work. Need to control what time I put what into my mouth. Need to monitor my blood glucose consistently, need a way to track the trend.
May God be with me as I commit myself to achieve physical fitness. Eventually, I'll have more to give than needs to be fulfilled.
Day 1:
Fasting BG 12.2
Breakfast : 15ml coconut oil
Lunch : Chicken Chop with salad
Dinner : veggies soup
Pre-workout BG 5.2
Post-workout BG 7.6
Before sleep BG 6.9
Had iced Americano 500ml throughout the whole day. Feeling jittery pre workout, weak during workout but normal after workout.
Feeling hungry before sleep and jittery despite high BG. Yellowish urine. Had the last 50ml of coffee before dinner though.
Day 1 success! Moving on to day 2~
