Diary #20081106

I do not know exactly what happen to my body system. I'm experimenting my urine to prove that I have or not diabetes symptoms like sweet urine.

I do not know the ants did lost their way or am I just worry too much. Slowly, I will have to cut down on desserts and every single sweet things. At least try not to attempt to eat them.

And my lifestyle.. working until this time, I cannot imagine how long I can survive in this situation. How I hope today's meeting in the morning is just a way out for me to loosen up my responsibility. May be if I did not suspect my health problems I would not reacted that way.

The meeting was to discuss why I did not perform as expected and did not complete my tasks on time as I've promised. I gave excuses that is not accepted. I have accepted their suggestion to change. I hope I do not disappoint others but how many expectations can I cope?

I have been suspecting my "diabetic symptoms". It happens after my weight loss, then hair fall, then low appetite and now hunger. It was all medical symptoms or was I just think too much when such things happened? Even recurring vaginal yeast infection has added on to my list of symptoms to be suspected.

I think it is time to get some real blood test. If there is only a quicker method to confirm my "symptoms", I would like to try it out. May be I can get some blood sugar tester from the pharmacy nearby my office.

So, how shall I face it? Calmly? Aggressively? Ignorantly? I do not know. Just like when I saw the ants, my mind is blank for a second or two.

So, what about my birthday tomorrow? Shall I celebrate with the news? Can I be happy with it? It is not deadly but controllable with proper medication and diets and lifestyle adjustment. So, would I be able to handle it? Do it? Make it?

Don't think too much, Michelle. You just do what ever is necessary to accept the fact and to slow down the symptoms. Everybody deserves death, it is a matter of shorter life span or longer only. But that is not the most important thing. The most important thing is what would people write on your tomb stone when you die.

So, Michelle, can you promise me to look at this positively? I love you so much, please promise me you will face it and conquer it.