I had a bad afternoon. So bad that I couldn't laugh in the cinema watching Madagascar 2. I've even worsen the situation by bringing this negative emotions into the group of people I'm hanging out with.
It was a sunny day, we went to eat seafood noodles at Segambut. It was a great lunch until we came back from lunch. I was listening to streaming audio and pop-up the lyrics. My supervisor passed by my desk and saw the second monitor (I'm using a laptop and an additional monitor) was showing the streaming audio. Later, I received an email pointing out that I'm using the second monitor for entertainment. Yes, I did and I also use it for my work. It was, to me, an accusation of me not being at work with 2 monitors but entertaining myself with the extra resources the company allow me to use. Well, I felt very bitter about this and this is not the first time I felt it but this time is the worst one until now.
I read the Prime Time with God that says this:
Check Your Armor
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman
11-21-2008
"That is why the Israelites cannot stand against their enemies.... (Joshua 7:12).
Battle commanders want to know the vulnerabilities of their enemies. Companies want to know the vulnerabilities of their competition. We also need to know our spiritual vulnerability.
This is the message God told Joshua when he attempted to go against a small army at Ai, which was the Israelites' second battle in the Promised Land. Sometimes we try to figure out why we are not successful in an endeavor from the natural only. We look at all aspects of our performance to see what went wrong. Perhaps our strategy was flawed or our timing was off or our pricing was wrong. For the people of Israel, it was not easily seen on the surface. Everything seemed just as it should be from Joshua's vantage point, so when his army was soundly defeated, he cried out to God, "Ah, Sovereign Lord, why did You ever bring this people across the Jordan to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us?" (Josh. 7:7a).
The people had been defeated because God could not bless them. One person had violated the covenant with God. They were not to take any possessions from the first battle, but one person failed to be obedient and the whole army suffered.
Sin makes our armor vulnerable to attack from Satan, who then gains permission from God to attack us in the area where we have failed to uphold righteousness. If we break down in moral purity, Satan comes in and establishes a stronghold. If we give place to bitterness and unwillingness to forgive, we will break fellowship with God and others. If we become money-focused, we will fall into greed and deception. It is a vicious cycle.
Examine your armor today. Make sure you are not susceptible to attack. Begin from a solid spiritual foundation and your chances of success will be great.
There, the words highlighted in purple really pointed out my soul status. I am giving place to bitterness and unwillingness to forgive. That caused me to break my fellowship with God and others. The bitterness kept growing like a snow ball. It just roll and roll into bigger and bigger snow ball. My armor is weak, they could not defeat the attack.
It was not anyone else's fault but my own stronghold that keeps pulling me down into a deep dark hole.
Oh, God, could you come and spare my life?
While I was watching Madagascar yesterday night, I watch without laughter but tears. It just came rolling out of my eyes. I am not a person who can easily cry but the tears just came out of it... it was my first time, pouring tears secretly in the cinema... I can't help it. I need to release them out...
Love the Lord your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strenght. These words just came into my heart. He who loves me never leave me nor forsake me; for we love, is because He first Loved us.
May God bless you, my readers.
