It is Painful and it Hurts -- loss of a friendship

4 days and counting. The end of October 2020 is the end of a 1 year friendship that started since 2 Nov 2019. 1 year. Just 1 year, we became good friends and even best friends. But things changed and really she needs to take off and I wish her well. Just that I know this is the end of our friendship. First time ending a friendship with a sudden stop to it and the person is still alive.

http://thisundeservedlife.com/2017/11/16/mourning-the-death-of-a-friendship/

And apparently from the article above, I'm not the only one. Some even have many years of friendship but ended also in the end. Perhaps like what is mentioned, life changes. But yeah, it hurts.

The memories of her feel so painful now and I wish we've never been friends because I don't want to feel like so terrible now.

It is I'd say, worse than the death of a friend. I've lost a good friend to dengue fever, and yes, it hurts but his life came to an end is not something I could control. Losing of a friendship felt so terrible because there seems to be the "what ifs" question hanging in the air as if I could've done something different to keep the friendship.

Who can I talk to about this to take the pain away? 

The slowly drifted away kind probably is easier to handle because the process helps to slowly move on. But a sudden stop really comes with a shock and feels like a knife through the heart. It hurts but I cannot pull it out because I will die of bleeding if I do.

Help me. Help me. I need help. I feel down. Needing a few days of leave from work I think. How? How? Take away the pain, would someone? Terrible terrible feeling.

Will it stop me from starting a new friendship? Probably not but to thread slowly in the new friendship and to express myself clearer with likes and dislikes so that the friendship can be steady and well. And perhaps learn how to cope with it better the next time.