So, after 4 days of staycation, my friends asked me, how do you feel about going home next week?
It's a big question. It's something I need to know how to face in the future. How I hope time freezes here and no need to move on so that I don't need to process this question.
Why?
It's again 2 sides of the coin:
On one side, I need to be able to live out myself without feeling bad about not living up to my mom's expectations.
On the other side, is to leave a comfort zone and venture into self-care or in other words independence.
I'm still not able to answer the question, why do I want to move out? Will I regret moving out? Will I be able to survive after moving out?
Why has these questions been bothering me while I had 10 years of experience renting a room away from home?
The moment I think of my mom, I feel suffocating, helpless, weak, and intimidated. What's wrong? I can't even be firm with the decision to move out. Why? Why? Why?
Why don't you just stay at home? She said. You can have all the freedom you need and I can correct myself if I'm wrong. She added. I'm sorry, I beg for your forgiveness, please stay.
Suffocating love and entangled relationship.
What should I do? 3 days of rest gone down the drain with 1 simple question.
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