Life

Life's about money? Is that so?



Life's about love? Love just ain't enough to survive... rounds back to money...



Life's about faith? Faith doesn't earn you a cent... rounds back to basic...



Life's about war? War is just cruel to make you sick... no money no gun...



Life's about what?

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Keep your head

You know, I SMSed a friend two nights ago, and it came out failed after 24 hours. I don't know what to do now.



I was downloading this Mac OS X86 for a friend, and of course I'm likely to play with this piece of new discovery myself but when I started to think, I'm just so geek - not enough time to find out new things about computer technology and I'll even get aroused when I see the downloading speed is up and I'm nearer to the success of getting what I want in my own thoughts.



I just need to keep my head down so that I don't do stupid things again. But I'm not sure how. I'm not sure how to make things right. Is there any manual or something about life that I can follow step by step? I don't see how am I suppose to live without money, without water, without food. And foremost, what is all these for? What is all these about?



Sometimes when some friends questioned me when I said, 'accordingly, this is right', what are you based on to say it is right? It is so hard for me to say it's the Bible that I believe in. So how true is this Bible, they'll asked. What do you think I should say? Or should I just keep my head and smile back with not a word?



It's difficult for me to find any common ground especially in terms of trend of thoughts with someone who has a different religion (I'd use this word) as me. They think different from me. If I were to lower my ground to reach them, I fear if I'd be dragged along into the darkness of life. I don't wanna get someone who is so good and nice before we get so close and then only found out that we're not for each other and break up. This had happened before and it hurts so much that I couldn't say I'm ok now. I'm not. So, I wonder very much.



May be someday, the Bible will show me the right way to go upon with life, with my currently rotting life...

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Reward vs Bribe

Subject: Police gets RM100 reward if you bribe them.



The Police are smart, we must be smarter, spread this news around so that we don't get arrested for trying to bribe.





This is just a gimmick by police...they will tahan u...then ask to pay bribe RM30...then when u giv they will catch u for bribing them...after tht they get RM 100...see how business are done...



Newspapers a few days ago. They are raising rewards to police to RM100 for reporting bribes made to them. So if u think u can get away with a bribe of RM50 for a traffic offence, better think again.



Cash reward for cops who arrest anyone trying to bribe them KUALA LUMPUR: A cash reward of up to RM100 and a letter of commendation will be given to police personnel who arrest anyone who attempts to bribe them.



Acting Inspector-General of Police Datuk Musa Hassan said the reward would be for Traffic, Criminal Investigations Department and Narcotics Department police personnel. He added that the reward was to spur policemen to uphold the integrity of the force. "The reward offer is also to let our men know that we appreciate them for their honesty and loyalty. "We also hope to inculcate in our men that accepting bribes is a very serious offence and does not pay," he added. In Kuantan, Pahang police chief Datuk Ramli Yusuff said the cash reward would be double the bribe offered and up to a maximum of RM100. Ramli told Bernama that the reward would be paid after the person who offered the bribe had been charged and the case concluded in the courts. "I will personally hand over the reward to the police personnel concerned," he said, adding that the incentive would be paid from the Pahang Police Fund. Earlier, at the monthly parade held at state police headquarters, Ramli said L/Kpl B! akri Pandak Ahmad of the Kuantan traffic police was rewarded with RM100 last month for arresting a man who had offered him a RM50 bribe.

aren't they making themselves look like monkey or clown? Making fun of themselves in front of public! This is awful.



Since young we were taught to maintain our dignity. We were taught that studying is for own good and gifts are just an incentives of your hard work and should never be misunderstood that study is to get the reward. So by putting this as the foundation, isn't the police forces working the other way round? Making police force take no bribes for the reward?



What is happening? Let me point out what's wrong with the quote above. Although it is taken from a forward mail but I think if this is in fact the real case, our society has better look into the root of the problem and not just temporary cover the surface.



First, Reward = Appreciation (Honesty and Loyalty). Does honesty and loyalty count with money? Where is the dignity in police? The root problem of this is the unequipped serving heart.



Second, Bride = does NOT pay (either way they are getting the cash payment). So accepting bribe is getting money, reporting bribe gets the same as well. What if people are willing to pay higher bribes? Does that sounds to you that the police can ask for higher bribes? So does the rewarding system actually works because they have to wait until case close while bribery has immediate pay...



Well, I do not see the gist of implementing such reward system. One thing I want to say is the education system of Malaysia. If we train the next generation well and we ourselves are man of word, we do not need to worry about wrong doings happening. However, if we accept bribes ourselves, then there is no point saying other people are doing wrong. Just the same as queuing. If the father doesn't queue up, the son will not even if the father insist he does so. See, the truth lies beneath. It is the father who does and the son follows. Not the other way round.



I'd like to use one sentence to conclude my thoughts. The son sees what the father is doing and follow. Remember, the younger generation will follow your foot steps. If you want them to be good, change yourself first.

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God will not answer me...

I haven't been very good spiritually. I haven't worship Him.



Only when comes to trouble times, I turn to Him.



I said He is my God but I did not worship Him as He deserve.



He will not answer me for my needs because I disrespected Him.



I deserve nothing but He Loves me.



My heart is a stronghold of the evil one, my heart does not worship.



I'm condemn for what I did.



I'm sorry for the things I made.



Father, may you bless me with a soft heart.



To worship you wholeheartedly, to seek you wisely.



I want to be but I was in bondage.



Break me free, so that I hear you...

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Though I...

Though I work very hard to tell people how hard I work, I was undervalued because I didn't produce the expected outcome.

Though I sit very straight to maintain my position, I was treated like I purposely block the people behind.

Though I ask God to protect me, I underestimate him and overdo on myself.



Though I did a lot of good things, I was not as good in others' eyes.



Faithful God, can you help me to gain insights from all these doubts and disbelief?

Faithful God, help me to be faithful...



Though I doubt, though I wonder, I want to be happy and believing. Cherish by your love is the ultimate goal isn't it?

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[from The Dog's Name] Dating Style

http://thedogsname.blogspot.com/2007/01/dating-styles.html

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[from other bloggers]What price friendship

http://thedogsname.blogspot.com/2006/01/what-price-friendship.html

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Type of friends. Will you regret?

There are so called many types of friends.

Some you can pour out your inner self;

some you can only share the brain knowledge;

some you can only share the same exercise,

some you can go traveling;

some you can go fishing;

some you can really talk/chat hours after hours;

some you can only be listener;

some you can only hope for when you're rich;

...



and many more types of friend if you wanna label them or categorize them.



But in our relationships, we base everything on this little thing called "TRUST". Merely just a simple word that says both of you are related.



I've been struggling hard. Now I know how the Father feels when we, the children do not trust Him, the Almighty God. Heart broken and sad.



So, will you regret to lose some one as a friend?

If you lost a chat buddy, you can easily get one;

if you lost a busy body, you can still get one or might as well be one;

if you lost someone to your heart, man, I'm not God, I'd really feel deeply hurt and sad, don't you think this is what you'll say?



I lost someone dear to my heart once. We were friends, deeply connected friends. Some how our point of view changes, our relationship shaken. We talk no longer about other things than school work, we play no longer because we like to hang out together, we eat no longer because we wanna fellowship, but on top of all because we respect each other as human.



Some what, there are more reasons to hate one than to love one because we human beings are so sinful. Yet, God loves us all, we try our best to love and to unconditionally love but we're weaklings and will somehow fail some stage.



Well, doesn't matter, I guess. The reason we're on earth is to learn how to become a more comprehensive and better person.



Do not regret but evaluate and proceed.

I always remind myself with this and proceed on with the next level in life.



A quote from a friend from a song:

La tristesse durera toujours = the sadness will last forever



To SHARE is to CARE ~ care to share?



May our lives be better and brighter as tomorrow approaches...

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Programmer vs. Developer

Small ISVs(Independent Software Vendor): You need Developers, not Programmers



This article is using a small company as a context, suggesting relevant issues regarding the term programmer and developer.



It is very easy to understand and it really does clear my doubts on how people work (job scope of the position).



Nowadays, companies are hiring people with diverse knowledge and therefore, a more comprehensive person is preferred.



Now I see how the trainings, exposures, and trouble shooting skills of mine get me a job.



I would suggest anyone who is still reluctant, to start thinking about changing your working style. Seriously consider about the overall environment that affects the outcome of your work. You are working to achieve better outcome and not static content.



I hope people would one day all being able to live a life in it's full length and not limiting their ability!



Further: from HACKNOT: Developers are from Mars, Programmers are from Venus

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Friendship: Worth or Not?

Quoted from Ting Fang's Blog: “Friend comes in and out in my life, you are only one of my passenger.”



Friendship. I started to wonder...



Let's ponder... Is someone a friend when you cannot trust and share?



Do you or do you not hurt by your love ones? You're hurt by you family members and yet you cannot do anything but continue to love them. But friends, you get to choose.



I've heard some definitions about friend: "A person whom you would share your ups and downs." Doesn't that requires a minimum trust?



I think friendship is just a term we use to put on or label the people around us. As two people grow closer, they become friends but realistically they don't, they just become two persons. Living in different family, sharing different thoughts and never have same conclusion upon everything. Because we are still two.



My expectations on friends were high. I thought we at least share something in common. But now, I'd rather keep quite than say a lot. I'll say when it is necessary. Even if I possess the knowledge, I wouldn't care much to share as there is no solid reason for me to share.



I lose trust and faith in human being. May be that matters only to my relationship with God. So, the best thing to do is to keep quite. As long as I say nothing, share nothing, I'd be clean from other people's book of record and after that shall disappear and never appear again.



Anyway, thanks for being my friend since. Only true friends shine. In the end, please get me right, I'm just trying to tell you, don't play play. Friendship is like fire, if you get too near, you get burnt; if you stay too far, you freeze. But there is no measurement because it depends on whether the fire is huge or just a catch of it.



Happy Friendship-ing~

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Malaysian Animated Series! Syoknya!

Here comes Malaysian Animated Saladin~

Wow



Great! Gotta give them some support: http://www.saladin.tv/main.php



Trailer: "The wise men says, 'We do not choose our destiny, it chooses us'."

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3 days before school starts

Today after CRSM meeting, I came back to hostel. Met a girl on the same floor. We had a short chat. She's studying medicine in UM, living at the other side of the elevator. Pretty nice, nice chat. She said she admire people who studies computer or mathematics, which includes me! So nice!

Later I started to download bleach musics, then chat with a long lost friend. We exchanged interest on songs and she told me she wanted to cry. I said, do so, I'm with you.

As I started to develop a habit of reading online news, I read a short story from sinchew daily. It was about a decision of a girl. Who made a painful but right choice and had a happy life after all. Nice!

As I lift my head to look out of the window, I saw the bright and shinny moon. Superb! But now the cloud is starting to steal it from my sight.

Reread a newspaper article, saying we do not have enough reading and that's why our common knowledge is so poor. He, Lee Jia Tong, suggested us to read:
1) Classics/Literature
2) Critics/Discussions
3) Judgment and Detective Novels
4) Interesting Knowledgeable article

Decided to spend my long lost friend a Saturday of Karaoke. We'd been missing each other for long.

Oh, met U-Fish's girl friend Elynne?(not sure how to spell) or may be is Evonne? hahaha... doesn't matter. Had dinner with Max, Fay and her bf, U-Fish and his girl friend. Thanks U-Fish for sending me and Max back to hostel.

Oh, gotta work on CRSM harder for public presentation soon.

Preparing to face my new and final semester challenges! Yeah~

Babe

Found myself someone who loves me much, who treasures me much. May be it's the distance geographically that makes us able to see the goodness of the other. Yes, she is pretty and nice, especially loves me.

I will try very hard to treasure this friend. We'd been very well together for about 6 months and this is a new year. Let's start a fresh page this year. May God bless me with a good relationship this time.

So, I am someone's babe. She is my babe. Let's see this friendship shines. At least I want to make sure things doesn't go bad until we can't be friends. That was a sad case during my form 1 where I "broke up" with a friend. That was a very sad period.

God, help me. This time I need to be and take up the responsibility to become a good friend since she start to treasure me before I act, just like Wen. Other than repaying the good, help me to treat her sincerely.

May happiness be the promises that connects us. We promised each other to become happy. So we always send good things and good words.

Happiness may it be unto you from God. *wink*

Thank you card ~ My MileStone

I did a whole lot of thank you cards (which is really a lot to me who never did any cards for people). I spent 1 hour writing, and another hour cutting and pasting and finally done! But I left out Datuk... So sorry.

I thought about my pendrive backup in the office and wonder how to get it back...

Shall I ask LaiSeng? Shall I ask who to help me? Wonder...

However, just appreciate myself for being able to make 20 thank you cards, for my room mate and MyBiz family. They may not get it timely but doesn't matter. It's a thank you card right! hahahaha...

~Blessed New Year buddies~

What am I doing this late?

I'm repairing the fucking, sucking, stupid, idiotic Canon Bubble Jet Printer!!!

This is ruin my life. I spent 2 and half hours to check, double check and still don't know why the printer doesn't print!!!

This is so fucking pissed me off!!!

I'm now having black fingers and black legs and still I can't figure out what happened to the stupid "No response" printer!!!

If I'm so loaded, I'd throw the printer down from my window (at 8th floor)!!!

You stupid idiotic printer!!!

MyBiz Temporary Staff ~ MileStone Completed!

I've been in MyBiz Solution for about 3 months. Get to go join their company trip, get to know people around and most interesting thing is I finally got to see the smile of Sandra, our lady boss! Awesome! She is very descent and very nice and friendly but may be she has some sickness or pain in her hands that's why she always look worry and sorrow.

Anyway, to conclude my work, Yuk Wai, my CEO, my mentor as well as my referee, who took me seriously and trained me well, did my appraisal. There are questions which were tough like which is the largest Malaysian company that you'd like to work with? This is like *tu tu tu * because my GK (General Knowledge) is sooooo much so limited. So I went on to say Petronas and which is correct, the Malaysian largest company!

Well, he concluded that I performed as expected, shine in the culture of the company!

1) I tried very hard to speak up and build trust.
2) I tried to reach my personal best.
3) I was given opportunity to lead a small group (of 2 people).
4) I adapt well with the culture and given offer to work in the company as I graduate!

Wow! I just secured myself with a job! Awesome! Isn't that God's blessing to me? I believe it is. God is always taking care of me even though I sometimes rebelliously go away from Him because we human always tend to forget the goodness that we receive after a period of time.

So, however, I'd want to thank God for what he gave me, the support during my working period, the strength to sustain high pressure of balancing my work and my project (Final Year) and the ability to know Him better as He mold me into a useful clay.

I realise the weaknesses in me and try to improve. I love MyBiz and I want to make it better in the future if I'd really work there.

Regards to my colleagues, my boss, and their children who came once in a while. May God bless them, continue to prosper them in their life, help them to enjoy the world with Love and passion and May the Grace of God be upon them and save them for eternity.

Thank you God for everything you'd prepared for me to go through. Although I may not be as obedience but you'd took good care of me, and I want to really thank you and will try harder to be good and obedient. Love you.

Thanks Hui Wen who has always supported me.

Thanks Lai Seng who treated me dinner on my last day of work.

Thanks Toh, my leader, who also treated me on my second last day of work.

Thanks Catherine for being such a nice colleague and good companion at work and at play.

Thanks Chun Yi for all the preparations and hard work without any complains.

Thanks Steve for being a role model to me.

Thanks Yuk Wai for his recommendation.

Thanks Lina for entrusting me with a task.

Thanks Joop for giving me opportunity to work.

Thanks Han for letting me to share my point of view.

Thanks Zuri for being an accountant who calculates my pay.

Thanks Yee Mei for handling all the stuff in the company and deliver my pay cheque.

Thanks Sandra for being the lady boss who act as a descent lady.

Thanks Laili for giving me opportunity to handle critical and urgent tasks.

Thanks Noriza for supporting me in the work.

Thanks Loh for helping me in designing images.

Thanks Noel for reminding me about Christmas and entrusted me for last moment jobs.

Thanks Datuk (which I miss out the thank you card) for being there.

Thanks Sandra's driver for giving her support and that she can work best.

Thanks all the children who came over and share their smiles.

Thank you everyone!

You're a unique and awesome person as I believe God created each and everyone of us differently so that we can help each other and we can build each other.

I'd really consider to go back and work in MyBiz as the company gave me a freedom to fall, learn and grow!

Shouldn't you tried out to apply as a programmer? I think you should. You'll be changed and you will experience more than you've expected or think of!

Happy New Year Everyone, and blessed year!

Obsessive Love Disorder

My Disease: Obsessive Love Disorder, which is a destructive disorder.

Main reason: Obsessives experience a double bind situation: separation is very painful, while contact is very frightening.

This is very terrible.

Let me point you to the right direction for reference:
The symptoms: Psychotherapy Resource

The test: Love Addict

If you find yourself have the same problem like me, please go and see doctor as soon as possible or seek professional help.

diseased deceased

How I hope I'm diseased so that I can be cured.

If the disease is too critical then I'll be deceased.

But now... even not diseased, I'm deceased.

Come on let me sick... I wanna be cured.
It's not like cold, it's not like flu, it's not diarrhea, and it's not even fever. How to cure!!!

I'm having no disease!!!

No disease no doctor. No sick no cure! I... damn it! I don't wanna be deceased. Can I be diseased? Save me!

Be dead set is the excuse of being selfish (MSN Dec 18 Eng Ver)

My personality says, I do not give up easily on my relationships, however, unless the weight of the factual evidence convinces me to do so.
心里测验说：“我不容易放弃，尤其感情” - 只有足够的事实才能够让我了断。

So I ponder, it should be my own problem, others had done everything they can do and what am I hoping for?
所以我想，应该是我自己的问题啦，别人能做的都做了我还指望什么？

When you say I'm dead set, please find out whether the other party needs your intention. Or actually the relationship had gone to it's end, and you still don't wanna let go, does it worth the trouble?
当你说死心塌地的时候，请了解对方是不是需要你的用心。又或者感情早已结束，却还苦苦不放，你……这是何苦呢？

Embarrassing ME!!!

I've embarrassed myself in front of my team as well as our client!

Damn it. I was laughing for 30 mins at myself for making such a huge mistake!

The incident was...

I received a call at 6.30 19 Dec 2006 (*notice the date). It says, Michelle, there is a presentation on your work on 20th and 21st, can you contact D to see what's the update? I said, ok, will do and hang up. So I quickly contact D to check out the status. There goes...
D: Ya, we have a recruitment in The Curve on 20th, 21st can't get the venue. So can you bring your laptops and come and help out?
me: ok, I'll confirm with you whether we are going.

Then it was 7.30pm. Quickly get the team (3 ppl) online meeting. We came out with strategy and how to make sure the system works on 20th Dec 2006. We met up again at 10.30pm. SMS D and the reply was "......"

D: The event is 20th January 2007....

*fainted*

Then I started laughing at the embarrassing me, and told the team... finally we all get to rest.

Thanks Fay for keeping the good work of getting the solution!
Thanks Max for being excited and keep the good work as well.
Thanks to my mistake, everyone gets the excitement!

Well, Thanks everyone to make me embarrass again~ Now I remember how it feels to be embarrassed....

hahahahahaha......

laugh at me please... I'm so funny~

Do you wash your hand before you eat?

Do you wash your hand before you eat? I don't always do because it is not a habit.
Do you like something and try to get it? I do because I never do.

Isn't this template ugly? Tell me the truth~ I just like it to be ugly!

about homo...

Today I had a discussion with one of the colleague about this topic...

Gotta little SHORT (SOT) PLUG

Recently I've been missing quite a few things, such as my entertainment live, my window shopping live, my sports live, my walking life, and foremost my healthy life~

Phew~

First of all, I've been yapping about watching movie for the whole November because of the free ticket and realized that I do not even have time for it because of work.

Secondly, I was so caught up with work, I don't even go to gym or any kinds of sports. That makes me more "Sexy" after all.

Anyhow, it was also by means of "lack of window shopping". Well, as a matter of fact that I do not even have a little extra time for shopping, I don't even have no time to go window-ing...

So it ends up, my walking life is only (from hostel room to elevator, from elevator to hostel junction, from taxi stand to company elevator, from elevator to my desk, (from my desk to toilet)*,from my desk to elevator, from elevator to taxi stand, from hostel main entrance to my room)*.This is how it goes repeatedly everyday until now I don't even remember that today is already Friday.

aiya... just finish talking on skype.. let me continue...

You know, *No, I don't. Doesn't matter* I'm growing fatter, plumber, clumsier, and unhealthier... Rather than caring for my own life, I "jaga tepi kain orang". Ends up, of course is "padan muka" only lar...

Come on, my english is not yet good and I'm writing this whole crap like, oh no. I need to read more literature...

ok.. back to my days... today is Friday. Tonight is Friday night where everybody is busy with their entertainment and I was left alone wondering in this world of net. I so hope that there is someone here beside me, a gal, a fren, who can crap with me... I'm so alone...

well, I better get going, or else my unhealthier life will start eating up my life and my life will rot and smell... so beat it! C ya soon~

The Right way...

I ain't gonna miss the right way... but I ain't gonna make the right turn...

I love you

Ever heard of this?

I love you, whether or not, I love you. Trust me, I love you.

Can I not love you?

You ain't not loving me but I love you.

Why? you ask.

I love you with no reasons for I love you.

You wonder...

Trust me... but I just can't love you...

づ im .薇。

what do you think about this title?

Was used by someone in a chinese community that I visit.

I wonder can I use it... seems cool...hehehe


:p

Late Night with MyBiz

Hey guys, if you wonder where am I at this time, don't be surprised that I'm still in the office. Hahahaha...

I finish work around 11pm. Then wonder if there is anyone who can come and fetch me but no one.. So I decided to go 7-11 to get some food for dineSupp. I also discover that I do not have enough cash in my wallet to get more things... hahaha... just bought some bread in case I felt hungry.

So tonight is my first night staying over in MyBiz. Not cooling anymore because I add some food but now is better, warmer. Just now was freezing cold man.

I gotta get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow will be a fighting day again. Recently very busy with work so no time to really think about other things...

Sorry guys and gals if I neglected you all...
Wish you all the best...

Late Night in MyBiz...

Have I/you ever worry?

Have I ever let you worry? Yes.

Have you ever let me worry? Yes.

But...

Have you ever worry about me? No!
Have I ever worry about you? No!

The gadget that can read your mind

The Gadget that can read my mind?! Are you serious? Check this out (click on the image for product page)

[Original Image]
This is pretty scary but yet this is the most scarriest AI (Artificial Intelligence) That sounds so technically great!

By the way, play this online version of 20Q at 20q.net! It is suitable for all major language users and of all ages! Yo, give it a try!

I've been fooled!

Yesterday I went to PC Fair Dec 2006 in KLCC Convention Center. Somehow discovered a wireless plan that is so much so intereting. I thought, finally, I can own my own wireless broadband and get rid of my hostel's lame connection. So does it really mean it?

Visit Maxis Home Wireless Broadband Plan and also see section 5.3 of Maxis Fair Use Policy

Phew~ I was lucky to stay at 8th floor. According to the salesman, 7th floor and above normally is not considered for registration because of connectivity problem at high floor. So I may not be able to even register completely due to the condition. Registration is completed upon installation. *Phew~* I'm thankful to God.

I just somehow got an idea to ask my colleague and there he points out that Maxis policy is so limiting. 3GB of bandwidth per month, I don't think I can really survive with that. Although I may not need torrent or peer-to-peer sharing but I definitely would like to occupy the whole bandwidth with online TV!

Cheh! I was being a fool. "Where got so big frog jump around the street!" in cantonese - "bin you gam dai zek gap la chui gai tiu"

hahahaha... at least, I learned a lesson, don't get emotional when buying things. You'll regret... muahahahaha...

I bought a new pendrive 1GB Emtec (not sure if it worth the money RM56). Anyway, since I've already bought, I'll try to appreciate and value it properly.

Thanks. Thank God especially for giving a "living" way~

selection hearin'

We always listen to what we want to hear, don't we?

Japanese animation

I still like Japanese a lot a lot. Like their animation especially. Recently fond of Bleach.

Kuro = black
Saki = point
Ichigo = strawberry

Kurosaki Ichigo = black point strawberry???

What does that means?

byakuya = white => I like it.

erm... that's all for whole lots of it.

Michelle in Japanese is Miseru. hohoho.. I think I'm too into it~

The end of November 2006

Isn't this title sad?

Isn't I'm the saddess thing on earth?

ha, I'm feeling more and more obviously always begging for attention. I din't do well, didn't take good care of myself when I can, is just to beg for attention. Don't you think this is a little sad?

So wake me up when November ends...

INU YASHA = Female Dog Demon?!

Japanese Class Time~ bohahahaha...

oh.. I checked using Online English to Japanese to English Dictionary and discover something:

Inu = Dog
Yasha = Female Demon

so InuYasha = Bitch Demon?

muahahaha...

what?!

Can't sleep tonight due to the interesting story line of Bleach. I... I... I...

Was waiting for a reply.

Was wondering a good treat.

Was thinking about a person.

Was missing a person badly.

You... You... You...

I... I... I...

Can you feel me speechless...?

watashi wa wakanai. watashi wa baka desu. watashi...

When I miss someone can I call?
Will the person comfort me even if I call?

When I love something can I have it?
Will I have the ability to treasure it?

What shall I do then?

Go away from me. Leave me alone. Don't care about me as I do not care about you. My heart is miserable. I... You... aih~

Speechless nights, speechless months, speechless years... don't let me feel your care as I don't care about you. I forgot your birthday, I don't buy presents, I never call you... I... I... I...

What is to be said? I... I... I...

What the heck am I doing?

What the heck?
What the heck?
What the heck?

Recently I'm quite speechless. What I can say is "I... I... I..." "You... You... You..." "Aiyo... Aiyo... Aiyo..." "Speechless..."

What else? I'm turning into a quieter person, observant but emphasize on negative thoughts.

What happen?

You know, since I've mouth fight with my mom, I started to think that my mom is right and I'm wrong which past experience always proved it. So this time I'm going to limit myself from doing the wrong instead crushing my heart to follow my mom. I'd really had a good feeling about people but I dare not show it. I kept it to myself because I'm scared of building relationships with people.

I'm so afraid, I couldn't even find a friend who can spend me a night for movie. I've got this free movie ticket coupon from GSC but who is going to spend me a night? Shall I go alone? I think I will.

I can't even ...

Friendster TesTimonial ~

I misunderstood my friend misunderstood me...

hahaha.. the incident was that I told her to visit my friendster to check on my testimonial. Then She said, oh got testi... bye

Well, then I thought she was saying oh, you wrote one for me... {-_-)|||

So in the end, I quickly go and post a testi for her instead of working hard enough in the office... what a misunderstanding situation.

I thought I'd like to say something else that I felt from this incident. Recently getting closer with Wen. It is not a bad thing but I clearly know that when a relationship is getting to a next level, you'll have to explore more about a person, how he/she feels, how he/she behave,... Then you'll slowly recognize the person whom you've once known. You'll see a different area of the persons life. Then you wonder, how come I didn't even know him/her at all??

There comes to conflict situation, where you thought the person would think like that but as the result, NO. So you were disappointed and letting go of the relationship. So much so that a relationship that was built for good turns out bad.

Do you or do you not trying to build a relationship or just searching for the person that you can hang out with without putting in any effort and say, "Let it be~". Do you think everything turns out the way you wanted it to be? The answer is N.O. NO!!!

So try hard in a relationship, especially the one that you expected something but didn't turn out to be.

May God bless all relationships including mine.
That was my wish for this year... and the first challenge I face is my "ex-"best friend and Wen.

I hope, no, I will change myself to see things differently rather than wanting these important people in my life to suit me~

Adios, Amigos~

There goes the good bye, my friend~ but I still like the Chinese one 再见 (zai jian), 朋友(peng you) it sounds very much comforting because you'd like to meet each other another day.

So, peace be unto you, blessed the children of Christ the Saviour of this world. May you prosper as you grow and may life be no harm to your spiritual relationship with the Father nor the Son nor the Comforter.

Gambatte, go go go, jia you!!! *me too* hehehehe

Expensive CockTail~ Luxury spending

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This is a little ridiculous to even sip it!!!

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Wen's Bday!

Wow, today is Wen's bday, I was so excited!!! Don't know why (0_o)?

However, today is also Tracy's mom's bday!!! Tracy is not in HK studying.. good gal, she called her mommy last night~ yo, mom's da best!

I wrote a friendster testi for wen.. which was out of misunderstanding... hahaha

Then I sang a few demos to wen for her bday present.. haven't think of any physical gift le... how?

However, I really really hope she got what her birthday wishes is and enjoy her day as I did for mine.

Everybody, Enjoy today for today is going to be history tomorrow! YO~

Shocking Birthday!!!

Was still in a shock of seing Rachel yesterday night celebrating my birthday! It wasn't like normal shocking. It was like a very steep roller coaster that makes me shocked deep into the heart!

I woke up this morning and the first thing to do is to SMS her. I was like still cannot accept the fact that the one I saw is her!! It is her!!! Oh no... I'm too over...

Well, I think I'm too shock to give her any surprise... that was my initial plan for her... oh no... but turns out to be who is the one kena the shock!

God is so funny~ man, He... He... He shocked me with Rachel's present. Come on, wake up~

Har (0_o)||| It's just a dream?! I was thinking like that the whole night.. even until now still like floating in the sea... feeling like I'm dreaming.. Now I know why people feel in love that time the world spins... hahaha... It's like me now.. everything around is not spinning but I felt like a dream~ Oh~ enough...

har... I wonder... can I give her any surprises in return? hmm...
hehehe... let me think of something bad first... so to shock her in return...

hahahaha.. I'm so happy~ *wink wink* so the happy... she celebrated my 23rd birthday came all the way from Penang!! That was really too much... too much...

May God bless her for giving me surprises and also bless Angel and Joelle who kept the secret and "helped" surprised me!!!

Too much... "I'm not drunk", "wake me up"....

Birthday Michelle ~ Dinner + Supper

Wah, tonight was the best night of my life. Was blindfolded and went into a car to Fondue House in Hartamas, then after finishing the dishes, was blindfolded again to Joelle's house~ syoknya!

Oh no, Angel read my blog and she said I really should be thinking seriously about her present... hahaha... oppss... my little secret was revealed... aiks...

Let's talk about dinner.. cheese, watermelon juice, cookies, fruits, breads, chicken, shrimp, fish, and chocolate, ice-cream... wow.. that was awesome.. they paid all my bills.. that was not good, I should have spent them since I got my first salary for October... aiya...

Supper... went to section 14 McDonalds sit until 2.30am.. walau.. they close at 3am.. hehehe... me, LaiSeng, Bernard and Joelle... 4 of us.. talk and talk and talk.. if the shop never close, I think we will continue to be there.. hahaha.. we've had so much to talk about...

Come on, all are a lot.. can't finish them all tonight. Updates will be going on tomolo.. gotta get some rest and blessed to those who bless me and especially to Angel (who prayed for the dinner and me), wen (who came all the way from Penang), Chin Ling (who remembers our last meet), Nancy (who brings me all the way blindfolded), Joelle (who bought the cake), LaiSeng (who spent the night), and last but not least Bernard Cheah (whom we had a lot in common and slept late and have us all waiting for him.. hahaha).

Enjoyed the night and the morning... blessed day and night...

Actually how I wish to have a nice dinner with all my friends, I got it, and how I hope to get surprises and I also got it, and how I wish to talk/chat for a good old times and I also got it... see how well God does it? Even before I wish, they were planning... oh no... I'm so out... better catch up... if not, I'll be off the bus when they take off... hahaha.. means that they get more and more mature and I'm still staying at the same old pace...

I will finish this present "Powerful Promises for Every Woman" this time. Promised and will not break it! Trust me~ I'm a brand new person!

Birthday Michelle ~ Lunch

Wow, just had my lunch with 7 friends. 8 of us went to Secret Recipe for a good meal. Got my Japanese Soba + ice bleded chocolate with whipped cream and desert - cholate banana!

Super Great!

Wanted to publicly thanks all my friends:
Kok lin~
Tony~
Jun Loong~
Xin Ya~
CK~
Wei Fei~
L@iSeng~

Yo~ thanks for the treat... I bet their wallet all slim down after the meal... sorry to their wallets.. :p

Well, liked the meal, because everyone is enjoying.. though Kok Lin didn't because he doesn't enjoy cheese and it happens that the dishes was mixed up with Tony's and he got the one with cheese... hahaha.. he ate with "tears" hahaha...

L@iSeng said Coffee Bean's cake is better... next time I shall call for that... hahaha.. but that would be next year today... whether I can wait til then, I'll have to keep fit from now on... hehehe

Tonight another treat.. wow... I'm so excited... first time going to celebrate my birthday in this way... I think what I've dreamt of is coming true... I've ever been dreaming about having meals with a few friends and enjoy the time... Quality time person ya... hehehe. So next time you know what to do lor...

umm... who else bday is near?
Oh, my dear wen(10), my little princess Maggie(14), and... who elses? Jeff (Elaine's bf 14/12) is near... wondering how are they...

Still owe Angel a present for this year... what should I give? hmm... though it's already 2 months plus late... I still remember I need to give her a present because she is a present person! Yeah~

wuwuwu... my wallet is crying... hahaha.. nvm lar.. one yr once only.. I suppose I'll get something for Angel~

Blessed lunch and bless those who blessed me in this day~ happy *wink*

My Birthday is Today~

Isn't this awesome?!

Today is my birthday. 23 years of life on earth. I should be grateful and thankful for all things that I have in my life. I should be happy for being able to breath. I should be stronger in handling things. Just because I've been through one whole year...

We always greet people during their birthday and expect them to be older and more mature in all aspects of life. But do they or do I? Am I more mature now? Am I achieving others expectations now?

hahaha.. not so true isn't it. We never grow old and become more mature. We grow mature because we learn, we fall and we stand up again. :)

What about you? What is your birthday wishes? This is the only day throughout the whole year that you will have a chance to voice out your wishes and get blessing for making it true when other people bless you. So what am I wishing for this year?

I wish... today is also a happy day for all... for the happiness that one has is not happy at all but when the happiness is shared by a group of people, that is real happiness because you can share.

I wish... I have a great figure and a face like Angels... hahaha...

I wish... I'll have girl friends who share interest with me... computer geek?! hahaha...

I wish... I can play basketball happily...

I wish... I can wear Air Jordan everyday...


I wish... I never had those wishes but wish for a mature heart and wisdom from God. For these things shall be added unto you when you seek Him. :)

I would like to thank people who'd shared my 23 years, things that'd been with me until today. From today onwards, I'll throw away all that I've accumulated for all these years and start a brand new day with a brand new "white" paper.

You, my friend, are those who pass by in my life. I may know you or I may not but I want to share my blessings with you. May your life be properous as you have known the true and only God. Emmanuel~

Nothing is impossible, impossible is nothing. For God says,"IMPOSSIBLE is I'M POSSIBLE" so what's so bad in life after all? Even HIV and cancer becomes so mild.

Blessed the nation that believes in Christ the saviour, king and GOD!

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I saw this on YouTube.com... didn't know it was Marie France advert!!!


watch it your self! See it!

Xien~~~~

Wah, how come my eyes lid keep closing... oh no... what if I get caught sleeping in the office????

Cham lar... very heavy ... oh... this is getting smaller and smaller... no~~~

Who got any method to open or wake my eyes lid? They're so heavy... may be they need some exercise...

Yuki no Hana ~ Mika Nakashima

Song
Yuki no Hana ~ Mika Nakashima (watch it at youtube.com)




Fond of this Japanese song and the artist as well!

The end of story is the beginning of life

Quote

轻轻的暗恋 ~ 张小娴 一位正在念大学的小男生说，他爱上了一位女同学。

他早就认识她了，她长得很漂亮，每个男孩子都为她着迷，正因如此，他偏偏爱跟她抬杠，还故意周旋于其他女生之中，让她知道他对她没兴趣。

可是，这个学期，他跟她被编在同一个小组，朝夕相对，他终于情不自禁地爱上她。

爱上她之后，他愈来愈妒忌她身边的男孩子，他变得沉默寡言，经常刻意的回避她。他认为她不会爱上他，她喜欢被一大群男生喜欢，而不是一个。为了不使自己痛苦，他不会告诉她，他多么喜欢她。

小男生把原本准备寄给这个女孩子的情诗转送给我，再三哀求我不要嘲笑他，因为他已经很可怜了。

情诗虽好，原本却不是为我而写的，有什么好批评呢？

我从没收过男孩子送的情诗，我才可怜呢。

小男生此刻觉得痛苦，我只想告诉他，这份痛苦，经过岁月，会化作美丽的回忆，让人怀念。

有谁不曾为那暗恋而受苦？我们总以为那份痴情很重、很重，是世上最重的重量，有一天，摹然回首，我们才发现，它一直都是很轻、很轻的。

我们以为爱得很深、很深，来日岁月，会让你知道，它不过很浅、很浅。

最深和最重的爱，必须和时日一起成长。

亲爱的小男生，你一直也做得很好，你做得最对的，就是把情诗送了给我没有让她
看到。

If you know chinese, this is talking about during the process of secretly in love, you'd think that you love the person so much and so hard. But one day when you look back in time, you find that the love is actually so light and so shallow.

I've know a friend for long. 5 yrs ago we had our first song of 周杰伦 - 简单爱 (Jay Chow's "Simple Love"), then the second one after coming back from studying in Australia is 周杰伦 - 珊瑚海 (Jay Chow & Lara "Coral Sea"). That was like the end of 2005. Today, I would like to represent to dedicate 周杰伦 - 我背你走到最后 (Jay Chow's "I carry you and walk til the end") to someone my friend loves. Then I want to conclude our relantionship with this song:

周杰伦 - 退后
天空灰得像哭过 离开你以后 并没有更自由
酸酸的空气 嗅出我们的距离
一幕醉心的结局 像呼吸一般无法停息

抽屉泛黄的日记 榨干了回忆 那笑容是夏季
你我的过去 被算是真的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情 粗心的眼泪是多余

我知道你我都没有错 只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给了承诺 却被时间扑了空

我知道我们都没有错 只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情 会给你带去

I also want to give my best blessing, to wish my friend the best of life.

End of dedication and song and history.
Story has to begin with a new book and a new page.

Getting on with my own life and bother less about other things that is going to defect my life. So after this may all the clouds open up and let the sun shine for the rainy day is over...

aiya ya...

Today and yesterday I've been working for 12hours... that was too much! I can bear hours of working but cannot bear hours of working with active mind and still actively thinking about it during my sleep.. I'm suffering from workaholic symptoms, perhaps... seems like if I don't work I'll die...

No time even for exercise, though weight is losing but body shape is still the clumsy look... I don't want to be like the actress in "Cinta Kolestrol" who was so big sized until couldn't fit in the chair in fine dining restaurant, so embarrassing. Imagine going with your boy friend and everyone is staring and then secretly laughing at you.. what do you think? How would your boy friend be able to bear this pressure?

You know why aiya ya... because aiya ya... I'm not well again.. hahaha
not physical, not mental but lifestyle...worse than ever... tired than ever...

Come on, can't I just stop work at a certain point and enjoy a bit life? What is enjoy life, btw? Who can share with me his/her view point?

Umm... currently got work, project (final thesis), home being broke in, mental pressure of love life, mental pressure of family life, mental pressure of...

wah, mentally ill me ... suddenly realise.

Why I always complain? Can't I just see things in a better way? Can't you?

Come on, admit it, you're just like me, no longer view things like the olden days and start complaining about life and don't care about others. Are you certainly better than me? When you think you are, you're not!

Who dares to say I'm perfect? Mind you, no one is perfect. When you say you are, your weakness is too confident. So what is your say?

Ah, there are some part I still can't change my mind like accepting my friends who got together and still hanging out with them like normal friends. I just don't get it.

And, have you ever felt that everything is so perfect and there comes the disaster... Perfect makes disaster... let me see if I can work this over..

Well, what a messy post again... life is messy, shit does not... so...

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Wah, Dorothy Perkins

Never dream of having a suit or even a piece of cloth from Dorothy Perkins which is the second largest owned British clothing. Bought a black blouse and a pair of black slacks. Guess how much they costs? I can't believe my mom simply says, as long as you like we'll buy. British clothes?! Is it true? Second largest fine clothing...

RM 172

My second experience with British goods. Wonderful! First was my shoes, from Clarks and now Dorothy Perkins... you know what, I'm just too big sized to fit in to Malaysian clothings... sad part... My first try with the clothes was, how come it just fits? How come I do not need to inhale and squeeze my tummy into them? Oh, this is just so wonderful, I can't believe I'm tucked in!

You know when I first when into Clarks, I didn't know it was soooo expensive. I bought a pair of high heels and a pair of sandals which added to 400++ which was my 21st bday present from my parents... wow, that was an awesome experience. I went with my cousin sisters to KLCC and went into this shop, where the journey begins...

I didn't thought I would want to buy them because they're so expensive. Anyway, I say the new arrivals and they were having discount, so I ponder... wondering whether to try them on even I'm not buying... so I asked, as usual, what is the biggest size of this shoe? Thought I would be disappointed but I heard 13. Har?! we have the largest size of 13. Wow~ can I try them, please? Trying to keep my lips together I said. That was like superbly surprised and feeling great. So the shop keeper went in and got me the shoes... My first try... it fits! No problem at all! No hassle! Nothing to worry.... Oh gosh, I love them, can I not take them off? I dreamed...

Thought it was too expensive and said that, nah, I don't like the pattern, well, thanks, I'll come back later after some shopping. So I took off and went wandering around KLCC to find cheaper fits. As it always happens, I received more and more disappointment... From morning until afternoon, after lunch... nothing fits...

Full of disappointment, I pass by Clarks on the way to LRT... again, I went in, trying my feet on size 11... they, they.. they just fit! Why? Why? Look at the price tag again... it says RM 240+... oh no, no... I can't afford it but they are so fit... *wuu* I want them... day dreaming again... So I called my mom and asked if I can have them... she said, if you fit and they are leather and good... I asked opinion from my cousin sister who knows much about all these brands... She's very good! She says worth to buy, don't think too much some more you're fitted. Oh, come on, why can't you just say no? Then I can leave them behind... so there goes the 240+ and another 120+ for the sandals beside which is of size 10...

Where to get? Where to get such sizes in Malaysian shops? There is nothing so big and fit. First time, I felt I'm so blessed with big foot... ahahaha...

So today went shopping with my family to 1U. That was an awesome place but I thought of not buying anything but my mom insisted that I try to get some slacks... So we went hunting down for my mom's and sis's shoes then later on we passed by Dorothy... we went in and said those clothes which are so nice and comfy.. but look at the price tag... it says RM 93 for the slacks as well as the blouse... again, my mind went black out... "lights on!" I saw myself in those nice shirts, wearing them and people around praising me... wei! har?! Woke up from my day dreaming.... nah, try these on... I said, har?! more disappointment? Do I really need to try them? Ok, ok, just to make sure you are satisfied, I went to the fitting area... waiting for my turn... seeing people trying on those clothes... I was like, har?! So big size also can fit? I'm not going to be disappointed, am I?

Next! the gal shouted. I went in and took off my clothes... putting the slacks on... sup, it just went up so easily and I'm in it! then the blouse... without unbutton them, I slipped in! That was.... how I hope I can get them easily and looked into the mirror... can I have them?... nah, too expensive...

My mom and sis looks very satisfied on my first try... They both said I'm fitted. Ah, Dorothy Perkins why are you so expensive? I wondered... I went back in and tried on a few until I decided to get the two pieces that was the best among all. Told the shop keeper I want them! First time without second thought I said. Suddenly I thought, hey, where's my mom? How can I pay them? Looking nervously around... Phew, she was getting the payment needs from my dad... ah~ at last... my blackie... Love them~ you know what, you'll be seeing me wearing them for the next 3 to 5 years... hahaha, all my clothes are like that... buy one suit every year and wears for the next 3 to 5 years and get another for the next 3to5. ahhaha...

Now I have 2 shops.. Clarks and Dorothy Perkins... Please don't close them down... if not, I'll be getting cloth from shops and just gulung them on myself and become my clothes because I can't get proper size... hahahaha...

Satisfied with my British size... hohoho.... man, first time I'm filled with confidence in front of the mirror...

D@Y Dre@ming..........................

Kena Tagged~

Sounds like I don't like to be tagged? hahaha...

So now Q&A session

[Q1] Which church do you attend?
[Q2] Use 3 words to describe the person who tagged you.
[Q3] Write down what is your favourite bible verse(s).
[Q4] Let's say tomorrow is the end of the world. List 5 things that you want to do.
[Q5] Your feeling(s) after answering these questions.
[Q6] Tag 3 other friends

1. Klang Chinese Methodist Church
2. fun, cute, lovely
3. Philipians 4:13 I can do everything through He who strengthens me.
4. Sleep, Sleep, Sleep, Sleep and Sleep, I'd rather close my eyes until the end of time.
5. Flat... nothing is feeling.
6. you, he and she.

Do you have any more? hahaha...

Tagging is fun.

I'm tagging all those who read this piece.

Come on, don't you like to be tagged?

@
|
A flower makes nothing but a heart warming gift.

POsTs

English posts, Chinese posts, all posts from me is about me.

When you read, you never say anything, when you see, you never show your care.

Last night I was having a very great time, with 2 best friends. They were worried and were trying to comfort me. How come they are so good?

I'm so weak compare to them. Blogs I wrote, news I read, even novels that I find are some how or rather making me weaker.

I like this song once in a blue moon because it says about the difference of a musician and a pianist. I'm like a pianist, playing the keys and tunes other people wrote without feeling it. A musician like my friends are different. They feel, they touch, they care how the music sounds, whether or not should be played loudly or high key or low key. They all knew from the heart.

I've been losing my heart since I gave it to some one. Where to get back my heart?

My posts doesn't make funny, my posts doesn't make me, my heart is not here...

Let you all guess a joke:
There are two kinds of people in this world.
One is who knows how to count,
One is who doesn't know how to count.

Do you or do you not get the joke?

I'm that kind who doesn't get the joke. I thought aren't there must be 3 kinds? where is the third kind? The joke is to tell you, I'm the one who doesn't count. Got it? No? hahahaha...

May be you got it the first time because you're so blessed, you life hasn't start yet. If you are 50 years old, thank God, for He has given you 50 years of young heart. If you're only 15, please ask God to bless you with another 35 years of this heart. Don't burden it until you never see the joke. Alright?

May be writing is easier. May be writing them is a lot more easier. I wrote and wrote, sometimes I answered the posts myself because there is no one out there who would like to help me out.

Do you?

Heartache!!!

Now I know why. I know why my heartache. Because of the person I couldn't let go of.

 

If ever once I really let go, I think the heart ache will go off as well.

 

Today after a conversation, my heart is aching. My chest is feeling the pain. Help~

 

I'm standing in between. I cannot have what I want but I'm so stubborn to wait until I can get it.

Come on, when can I become smarter on this?

 

Pray for me, that I will live long to withstand the pain.

 

Like Xiao Xian said, if one day I said to the person, "I'm full of happiness" is just to cover up my sadness.

Sorry to myself that I let it suffer the consequences.

 

Today I made no promise but tomorrow I want to make a promise to start focusing on what is right and forget what is behind. This is ever going to succeed because I trust myself of overcoming it.

 

Will you bless me?

Bear no more

I've been restraining myself from writing blogs.
Why? because my wrist pain haunt me again and MC's dc-est connection sucks!

So, I'm using my office hour to do this... shii... don't let anyone know...

Why is the title bear no more? last nite I had a very big quarrel in a car with the driver.
We were arguing about paying summons and giving bribes.
I'm standing on the side saying that paying summons is a way of showing responsibility.
He was on the side of giving bribes is to show convenience to all and also showing responsibility by paying.

Then, I decided to stop the fight. I said something crucial. I said I know you feelings now but I cannot accept your way of doing.

The world is getting rusty. Very less morale. I would say is less than zero.
No wonder it is unbearable for me anymore as the problems is not 1 or 2. Another passenger said that, apparently the driver's point of view is what everybody is thinking.

Just want to say:
I'm not you, You're not me.
I don't understand you nor you to me.
When can you know I am not you.

Once my father said, everytime I fetch people they'll wait for me not like you, having me waiting for you and making me late. So I said, you've never tell me the time to be ready. Yes, a lot of times we take for granted when people do good to us. But like my father, I wanted to actually say that you've always tell the people what time they should be ready and not me, but I didn't because I know I'm wrong for not asking as well. So, next time even to your love ones, say thank you and sorry from you heart because you love them!

I'm disappointed at this world in my dream last night. Because of the quarrel, I found out that we think differently and is far different that's why we don't love each other when we don't see a common ground.

Love is quite a hard work. Do you think so? You say you love but when you don't find the other poeple is appreciating you, you'd stop loving, don't you?

May be just me.

Then I shall learn how to love people who are moralely low and doesn't make me feel good about their action.

That's all to share to care.

flower in the mirror, moon in the water.

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As the flowers grow, the grass also.
As our friendship grows, our bond also.

Tell me more about you here.
Tell me what you want to say to me.

Wanna know me? Leave me a message.

Invite me for food as I love them.
Invite you for food as I love you too.

Welcome to My Diary~
My Garden of Emotions in words.

What's wrong with me?

I'm not sure what's wrong with me recently.

Got a little bit depress, a little bit of distract, a little bit of not knowing what is right and what is wrong.

Not knowing why am I still alive and living like a trash!!!

 

I pissed people, I hurt people and I damage people.

There is one thing I don't do is to love people.

 

I have lost my love sight.

 

I lost my sense of love. I'm upset.

 

the big word I wanna shout is~~
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

 

Now I think the same old question is still pondering:"What's wrong with me?"

 

What should I say to make people feel better? What should I say to myself(people) to make me(others) feel better?

 

Am I not human? Don't crush me with the trash. I deserve a human treatment.

 

Sorry if I pissed you off reading this stupid passage. I'm not going to make any good here. I'm even pissed off with myself!!!

 

Is this a sign of depression or I'm just too stressed out?

Before I start to study...

Before I start to study for my mid-term exams, I visited my msn space. I found that there's a friend who posted quite a number of comments but I didn't notice it until today. I finished reading the comments and was sparked to say something here.

I really would like to share CHRIST with others. To understand Christian is difficult but to understand CHRIST is easy because there is only one CHRIST and there are millions of Christians. hahaha....

Well, I watched a "The Miracle Box" which is a movie by famous Hong Kong artist Choi Siu Fen. I like the whole movie, the songs, the characters. At last I found out that it was a story about a doctor (Choi Siu Fen) who dedicated herself during the SARS decease in Hong Kong. She died after the incident. She also lost her husband from Leukimia(hope I'm not wrong in the spelling). The husband actually was the one who introduced the "box". Why is the box miracle? It was because the box has "magical power"...

Of course, no. The box does not possess any magical power but there is a Mighty God up above in the Heaven who does. The box was given to those who looks sad and has a lot of trouble in life. All the troubles just let it out and put it in the box and The Heavenly God Father will help you to take care of it. As Choi Siu Fen also testify in her own words that God is the provider in her life.

I was so touched. I was touched by God immediately. I know He Loves me all the time no matter I'm good or bad, happy or sad. I just wanna say sorry to my Father that I let Him down often by drawing myself away from Him. How I hope I can always consciously felt His Touch on me.

Blessing everyday but I did not manage to collect them. My Heavenly Father always take care of me but I still complain that life is not good enough. Thousands of raindrops fell like blessing of the Father giving me the new breath, new life, new vision to live my life.

However, I was thinking why am I here on Earth? Why am I here for? What is my purpose in life? Why do I need to study hard and work hard and still thinks that I do not have enough in life? Why do I need to control my diet to make sure I'm healthy?(This I know la... cos our body is God's house, so have to take care).

So many questions... I'm been through quite a lot of emotional breakdown until I think I do not have the courage to share my love with others anymore. I started to pretend... Only in front of certain friends I'm the real me... I would be able to express... Even my some what good friend has becoming a stranger to me... I started to become quick temper... I'm going to lose my love ones...

I need God. I need His Love, pouring down to once again fill me up. My Jesus, I need you. Now and now!
I would question why I can't feel His Existence but I still know He exists everywhere anytime. So I'm somehow blocked...

Argh~~~~~ I wanna shout all my burdens to Him, like the box, He will take care of all my business for me.
Actually He blessed me throughout my studies. I've got such a good result due to His Love. He promised to give me good life if I obey Him. He protected me from the day I repented. He took care of me until now and I know He will continue to "sayang" me until the end of my life even til eternity.

So before I start my study, I will pray. I will ask God to help me, which this is always going to help me to calm myself and start with a clear mind to study better and more efficient. God is no bluff, He will take care of all the business because He is God.

So tell you problem, "Hey problem, I have a BIG GOD here!" hehe... I do not fear problems because I have Faith -- it makes me sure of what I hope for and gives me PROOF of what I cannot See.

End of my sharing. Back to study~

《再见萤火虫》

"哥，再见。"

最后一句再见~
最后一次睁开眼~
最后一口气~
最后一块西瓜~
最后一次痛苦~
最后一眼看世界~
最后一次发光~

最后的最后，哥哥和她相见，带领着她，保护着她，让她依偎着睡着了……

"No See No Split"?

A group of us went out yesterday night to celebrate Hui Li's birthday...

What has it to do with "See and Split"? haha... actually we went to a restaurant named "不见不散" that's why lo...

Well, actually we see and then split lo... that's why:
Applied Expert System Rule System:
Rule: "No See No Split"
Fired Rule: Since we know that "No See No Split" is true then we can conclude that "See and Split" is true
akaka...

Want more? The restaurant is named "Shall We Meet" in english...
So apply the rule again, "We Shall Not Meet To Avoid Split"... hohoho...

Many a times we meet some where, forget about our burdens, we chat for the whole day BUT at the end of the day, we still split due to our responsibilities. So my friend, appreciate what is in front of you. Time flees, we grow old and die. The time we have together is only from the day we meet until death split us apart. How I hope we can have a lifetime to be friends.

~Friends Forever~

The only way to be forever is to believe there is forever. I believe, because Christians do believe eternity life. But whether we can be together in Heaven is still a question because not all my friends believe what I believe.

Nonetheless, I will continue to value the time we have together. If they do one day have faith in what I believe then we will meet again in Heaven despite the hardships on earth.

\(^_^)/ Love all of you~ Take care.

《第一次》 光良

快一个星期了~


第一次，连续两天赶报告，忙碌让我喘不过气。第一次，发现报告超难写，因为手上没资料、头脑一片空白。
第一次，有人说我的部落格太多字，可是是心情无法一语道破。
第一次，以上的朋友开始部落格。很精简，很多人会喜欢，我也阅读。
第一次，因为考试考不好很想哭。
第一次，因为考得太糟心情不好。
第一次，早睡却无法早起，因为太累了~
第一次，离开我的心这么久，所以才没写部落格。
第一次，雯毕业后从槟城来PJ，放下课业去会面。
第一次，有很强烈的欲望却勇敢地打消它。
第一次，宿舍要办免费的世界杯庆典，发出了印有姓名的请柬。
第一次，求弟弟帮我打印文件。
第一次，不回家。
第一次，去琳的家过夜。
第一次，想去图书馆。
第一次，想陪飞去漫画馆。
第一次，朋友有难却无能。
第一次，什么都在我控制范围以外。
第一次，整夜抱着吉他，弹弹唱唱不嫌累。
第一次，拼命下载歌曲。（居然有150首之多）
第一次，发现自己没了爱情的感觉。
第一次，只想身边的人都是朋友。
第一次，看到以前会让我心动的人而无法悸动。
第一次，在别人家过夜好像盗贼一样不放心。

一个星期，一堆的第一次。

我想，部落格是感情的橱窗，为自己透气的窗口，这也是我为什么花很多时间看别人写的东西，就为了了解他们，有些东西三言两语不可能说得完。

想你，想从前，想看电影，想打球，想游泳，想想~

懒洋洋的我……

最近懒懒的……


图源：MSN大頭～懶

[转贴]世上最伟大-- 爱的真谛

恋爱的时候，我们享受爱，而真懂得爱却是从作母亲开始的。
　　
虽然许多女人惊心动魄地描述过产痛，可是却有更多的女人安详地，带着凯旋的心情去迎接它。哦，那简直是一场生命降生的圣战呢，出征的时候，母亲张开了希望的帆，虽有狂风呼啸而来，母亲喘息着、挣扎着，拼死也不放弃她的船。许多时候，帆会被风扯碎，可怜的母亲会象一片被打碎的舢板在狂风巨浪中被抛来抛去 --那痛楚和黑暗是何等的大呵，甚至，母亲会忘记了那时刻的意义，她只盼望那时刻的过去，哪怕以死交换！ 　

我从来不会想到迎接一个新生命的诞生原来必须经过如此黑暗的前奏--母亲必须孤独地带着伤、流着血趟过死河。但爱就是这样开始的，爱必须负伤流血趟过死河才知道自己是否有力量去拥抱生命。 　　

所以，上帝没有让女人在葡萄树下像摘果子一样摘下一个孩子。上帝让女人走过死荫地，正如让他的儿子走过各各他。 　　

上帝只把生命交托在入死出生的爱里。 　　

那么，你如何诠释这爱呢？ 　　

爱毋需诠释。 　　

爱是付出？是分享？爱除了爱以外再也没有更好的解释了。当你试图解释爱的时候，你解释的是文字，抓住的是道理，而爱却不在其中。 　　

爱是完整的。它的完整性就在于它肯把生命掰开来分享出去。不单如此，爱还可以揉碎了喂养生命，而它的每一个碎屑都是一个完整的爱的晶体--这晶体携带了爱的全部定义。 　　

爱是丰富的，当它付出的时候，它就增多，付出愈多，爱就愈多，当爱源源不断地倾倒出去的时候，爱的杯就斟满了。 　　
爱是一种恩赐。没有一个女人可以泅渡到生命河里捞一把泥土来造一个孩子，她只能到上帝面前领取。爱亦如此。若我们能爱，那不是我们的造化，乃是上帝的恩宠。哦，对此我再找不到比黎巴嫩诗人纪伯伦更好的表达了："当你爱的时候，你不要说'上帝在我心中'，却要说'我在上帝的心里'。不要想你引导爱的路程，因为若是它觉得你配，它就引导你。" 　　

爱不总是一种方式。 　　

爱可以愤怒，却不积怨。爱会受伤却不自怜。爱有时唠叨，但沉默时表达得更多。当然，爱也需要走出心灵的深宫，就像水需要走出大海。爱若总是隐藏着、收敛着、沉淀着，日久天长，那儿就变成了死海，再没有鱼儿漫游间，连鸟儿都不从它的上空飞过，而地也干涸了。 　　

爱毋需回报，却要求回应。爱提供了自己，正如花儿提供了春天。它所要求的全部回应就是享受它。 　　

爱是尊贵的，却可能衣衫褴褛。爱是自足的，却可能向卑微者求乞。哦，我怎样描述这种不可思议的爱呢？我找遍了世界的经典，最后只找到一个例证--那就是上帝的儿子耶稣基督的生命。 　　

万有都是他的，可他却降生在马槽里。不但如此，他还选择了终生贫穷--狐狸有洞，天上的飞鸟有窝，而他却没有放枕头的地方！ 　　

哦，不要试图用人间的理性去诠释这爱吧！ 　　

爱不接受分析。你愈分析就离爱愈远。 　　

万王之王的儿子衣裳褴褛地进入人群，这就是爱了！若不如此，人群中最卑微的那个怎么能够作他的朋友？ 　

　

哦，我实在不能略过人类历史上一次最伟大的求乞--那是公元一世纪的一个正午，在撒马利亚的雅各井旁，万王之王的儿子竟然向一个卑微的撒马利亚女人要水喝！ 　　

那是一个犯罪的女人。她不敢在清晨或傍晚凉爽的时辰出门，烈日炎炎的正午，街上没有行人，她来到井边打水。万王之王的儿子却早已等候在井边，他对她说：

"请你给我水喝。" 　　

这是何等不可思议的事情！全世界的江河湖泊都属他，他却向一个被世界唾弃的女人求水！哦，这就是爱了，若不这样，那女人怎么能够认识他！ 　　

就在那口井边，他以求乞开始，却把生命的活水赐给了那个女人。 　　

当尊贵向卑微求乞的时候，它就把自己给了卑微，并且，让卑微尊贵地接受它。 　　

哦，我仿佛看到了泰戈尔笔下那乘华丽的车辇—— 　　

万王之王来了，他的车辇停在一个乞丐的面前，那乞丐是何等的惊喜呵，他觉得他的运气来了，苦难就要结束了。他站着等候，等候王一掷千金的施与。王微笑着下了车，走到乞丐的施与。王微笑着下了车，走到乞丐的面前，忽然伸出手来，说："你有什么给我呢？"乞丐糊涂了，犹豫地站着，最后从口袋里摸出一粒最小的玉米献给王。 　　

晚上回到家里，乞丐把口袋倒在地上的时候，在讨乞的粗劣东西中发现了一粒金子。乞丐痛哭了，恨自己没有慷慨地将他所有的给王。 　　

爱就是这样不按逻辑演绎！ 　　

爱是一种力量，却柔弱如水。 　　

爱不自卫，却永远得胜。 　　

当然，爱会受伤，如果伤害不能使爱减损，那么，伤痕就是爱的最佳冠冕，因为惟有爱配得。 　　

爱是一种生命，却在死亡中诞生。 　　

哦，哪里会有这样的爱呢？ 　　

让我们回到各各他去寻找那古旧的十字架吧！那上面有关乎爱的全部答案： 　　

万王之王的儿子曾经戴着荆棘的冠冕走完了人间最后一段爱的旅程--他负着伤、流着血，孤独地趟过死河。在十字架上，当铁钉带着世界的诅咒穿透他的掌心的时候，永生就在死亡的地平线上喷薄！ 　　

托起那太阳的是爱的海，那海里流动的是他的血…… 　　

哦，这就是爱了。 　　

除了他，我再找不到爱的全部定义。 　　

告别的黄昏，爱给世界留下了微柔的宣言--那就是他在十字架上轻轻吐出的最后一句话："成了！"

受伤了。

我受伤了，体无完肤。爱是无法诠释的却也像水一样，既能载舟又能覆舟。受伤并不是因为别人上到了我，而是自己脚踩陷阱又怎么能不跌下去呢？

最近对爱有个新的认识，原来它无法用任何语言、文字、或者作品来表达，它就是爱本身。然而我一直都以为是可以用某些行动或者方法来表示，原来我想太多了。呵呵呵……

我不喜欢的事物，喜欢的东西，都不是我的，因为是上帝让我在他里面享受了爱的权利。

受伤的我，是自己傻傻地以为自己很懂得爱。原来我们都不知道爱直到我们为人父母的那一天。

因为受伤让我胆却不敢前进。结果，我决定不要再觉得谈恋爱是必经之路，而放宽心，让我在天父的手心里享受他给我的关怀和爱人的自由。

爱让人承载也让人受伤害。因为我们不会爱却"识少少，扮代表"结果受伤了要找人顶罪。

唯有天父的爱，让我受关怀也分享爱。我自己没有爱因为爱从神而来。

我果然是空手而来满载而归，因为完成了主工，我今生无悔。

到目前都还没有开始定性为主奋勇过生活，糜烂的日子我已经厌倦。曾经说要改变却只看到沉淀。

受伤了要爬起来，知道了要能改过，错过了要学会珍惜，付出了不要求回报，尝过了要时时守着，有一天回天家，你会看见堆积如山的财宝是主在世上锻炼你的成果。

突然领悟，即在天上的财宝并不是金，也不是银，而是主所给你人生宝贵的经验和独特的经历。

世上不会有两个burning bush（摩西--埃及王子在旷野遇到神的经历）的经历，也不会有两次洪水淹没大地的奇迹，所以你我独特，爱我得神爱你，爱你的我是神的爱从我流露出来因为我没有爱，只会伤害。

自己受伤了就知道跌跤是会痛的。从来不摔倒就不能从失败中学习。

你说我这次可以攀得更高吗？: )
希望在人间，有爱在神身边，财宝在你面前，站起来你就领回去！

站起来！站起来！
"起来，起来 起来 起来……"

呵呵呵……原来失败重来可以更潇洒。

祝福每个人得到那真正的爱！

压抑

压抑的是心情，压抑的是感情。

很害怕把自己真实的一面表露出来，装疯卖傻只为了让大家来接受一个比较合乎社会ｔｏｎｅ调的我。

假装已经是武装，一种融入社会圈子的工具。我的面具只有黑夜看不见。我的心跳只有天空听得到。我的一切只有入夜才有生命。

我的部落格没有人看，我的生活没有人管，我的感情没有人懂，我的世界没有人陪。

为什么我就必须利用部落格来抒发？

介绍３首歌－－范逸臣《Ｌｏｖｅ　Ｓｔｏｒｙ》，　蔡依林《假装》，　陈奕《傻瓜》，　

我像风吹过之后落叶的飘洒，直到树上不再存留，直到遍地有痕迹。

你会在乎吗？有人会在乎吗？

为了"流芳百世"，为了名利地位，为了家财万贯，我们什么事做不出？为了爱情，我们更是不择手段！

压抑的我，压抑的你，压抑的我和你～

Sadness

I think many a times I smile, I laugh but I don't mean it. I did that all because the people wants to see it. I did it on purpose.

I found an author who is a Taiwanist wrote the book "Winnie (the pooh), don't cry". I don't know why such a guy will have so much of emotions. He cried because his girlfriend left him. He is a collector of Winnie the Pooh and his first Winnie was a present from his girlfriend. Until now, still the one and only first love. He used 6 yrs to be with this girl and 7 yrs to recover from the sadness of losing her.

That leads to me... I have discover many good friends along the way in life but I did not really appreciate them well enough. I still remember I have a friend whom I'd like very much, I gave her my first necklace which cost me about 80% of my monthly allowance. I bought it for myself but when she said she likes it, I gave it to her. However, that was not what she wants and my neck is always empty until now. I received 2 necklace as my birthday present but I lost them. I think that was because they disappear like the first one...

I don't know, just don't understand why can't I like what likes me rather than to love those who do not love me. I'm really a fool. Things that I like is sometimes quite odd but too be a normal one, I tried to be like others who are easily accepted in general. I lost my dreams, I lost my passion, I lost all the love I should have along the way.

I'm not the me I want to be. I'm not being myself, I'm feeling very sad... sad... sad...

Love is like a drug, it can either cure you or hurt you.

Only when you're at that level, you'll feel the pain that someone felt, you'll know the sadness that the person felt. When was the last time you face a person/ a friend with the real you? Me? Never...

Just like a normal tough girl, I will never cry in front of others... even I do that is because I try to be like a normal one but that is not me. That is not the me that I will do. I smile to be polite, I smile to try to be friendly because that is descent and socially acceptable. If I cry, I'm weak, I'm not grown up.

That's why I hate the world of the adults. Everyone is pretending, every face has a.. no, it's several masks on top of it. The masks will never be removed until the day they die. Come on, who can just let me be so comfortable and reveal the real self?

Sick

You know what, I like to be sick sometimes... When I'm sick, the people around me will simply control me and that makes me feel secure that they are aware of my existence. How sad it is to be like that actually...

I have a very good guy friend, everytime I'm sick he'll try to buy me medicine although I told him it is not necessary. Like the last time, I finish a whole bottle of "Pei Pa Gou" because he bought one for me. This time I caught cold, running nose and block sometimes. He said he wanted to buy me an inhaler but I insisted no need. So, he withdrawed after a few attempts of trying to persuade me to buy one. I am glad to have such a friend.

In my life, I have quite a number of angels (very good friends) who never hesistate to show their concern and love. As a friend I really appreciate and value all the small little things that they did to me. I remember every little things that each and everyone of my friends did to me to show that they care about me.

There was once, I was given an amount of money as a birthday present but not allowed to use it without their control. The story was they spend me for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday within their budget. So to say, help me to keep fit wor... but I actually disappoint them as not becoming slim hahaha...

Well, all these little little memory will become my valuables in the future like now. What they have contributed to my life is not what money can buy. It is not something that we can grab but it is something that we can store or capture using our "natural camera" to snap into our memory. You may think I may not remember them everyday but when I'm in need, that's where the memories come to rescue.

Hahaha... today I also bought a new bottle of shampoo -- Anti-dandruff Head and Shoulder. I hope it does not make my head feel itchy again...

Recently, I get bored playing computer. Everytime I open my laptop, I felt sleepy... A computer addict is going to become computer phobia...

Headache again... because of the long expose to my laptop I think. Quite a serious problem... This week I may need to go back to Klang earlier to get my dental check up. Long time didn't go for check up... I wonder my single fraud tooth still in good condition or I should do something else on it. Hopefully not money involve again...

Sickness make me dizzy, sickness make me sleepy;
Flower makes me happy but people makes me even exited.

I think I'm falling in love with all the people around me. I am satisfy with all the people around me but the one and only thing I wanted to do is to help them to know more about Christ and at the end of our worldly life, we can still be together eternally in Heaven.

Miss God so much, He didn't call me or rather I didn't answer His calls. I should've responded accordingly but I didn't. I no good girl but I will try to be one!

I love all my friends. I love because God first Loves me. He is my source of Love and Power.

May God heal me with His mighty hands and wonderous Love.

I'm very happy [english version of 我很高兴]

I'm very happy. My friend told me that she likes me. She likes me not because I'm good or not because I'm good to her. My first impression to her - hurting comment. Indirectly hurt her in a way but that's where our friendship started.

I was surprised that friendship is not build upon my very strong giving but it is just a relationship.

We always support each other, we always help each other.

I just wanna tell all my S3SLove 2001 classmates, I love all of you.

My life is painted with colour because of all of you. You are my memory, my companion and my love ones.

My life is lighten up with all of your love. Will never forget you.

Love ya~

我很高兴

我很高兴。很高兴有人喜欢我。有朋友告诉我她很喜欢我。我一直以为我必须很用力、很用心才能获得别人的喜爱，原来不然。

朋友就是真挚的感情交流。原来我们的火花并不是一开始就用温柔来对待对方。她对我的印象是一针见血的意见，不留心的回应居然给她留下了深刻的印象。朋友就这样开始了。

我原来一直不知道朋友可以这么单纯。

我也想告诉所有高三理爱2001的同学，我喜欢你们。你们就是我的回忆，就是我孤单时的陪伴，是我夜深人静的思念。不善言辞、不善表达却是很用心去培养对你们单纯的思念。不管大家散落在何方，我就是想说，我想念你~

很可爱的朋友们，身置两地却让风载着满满的思念互相联系。

爱你们！加油！生活中有你真幸福！

Sore feet

Walau~ painful standing with high-heels for 2 whole day!!!

But worthwhile with the photos of Pak Lah and the experience gained from The Inaugural Meeting of United Nations and Showcase of Malaysia ICT and Development.

This was a so long time ago event... later will do a photo album about it. Look forward o...hehehe

Air Crash Disaster - visitation of ministry of higher education

Oh ya, forgot to update everyone about an upcoming Global Alliance Showcase which will happen next Monday and a stupid airplane that crashes on my head the Monday before. This is so the big air crash because the dove and aeroplane crash at the same time [on the kite they missed]! This is so the stupid!

You know what happen? Don't know le... it is because the so called Director form the Ministry of Higher Education drove the aeroplane when he visited UTAR on Monday! He went to toilet half way driving and forgot to change the plane to auto-driving mode. So, well, you know what happen next, the plane crashed and we went home without presenting anything after waited for 3 hours like monkey [doing rehearsals].

This is too much! How come after we had been prepared for like about 3-5 days and at last because of the "air disaster" we were not appreciated! I even have to skip a tutorial class for it! Too much to pay such a high price. Next time they better make sure they are coming because I would not repeat the stupid monkey show again!

hehehe.... but I didn't want to attend tutorial as well because I don't really like to attend class, I like to learn from practical experience. If you tell me about a theory I would not understand but if you can show me or help me to carry out the theory I would remember it for life. That is how I live with the skills I acquired from young til now. Nothing is impossible, everything is possible!

I would like to try out this phrase next time round when I want to start a new adventure:
Instead of "Hey God, I have a BIG problem" I would say," Hey problem, I have a BIG God here!"
This will help me to progress to a higher level in life.

I would like to share a poem:

In Your Hands I am protected,
Under Your Wings I am safe,
Above the sky You bring me to;
Over the storm that I should never fear.

God is above me turning IMPOSSIBLE into POSSIBLE because He says "I-M-POSSIBLE"! So when we are stuck with problems think about I-M-POSSIBLE and you're one in a million that had possibly swum to the ovum and born into a human being that God Loves. You're one in a million or billion or trillion that He has chosen to become a human being! We are the champion at least for once in our life time [in case you don't recognise any] because we were competing to get to the ovum and become a human! hehehe

Come one, one air crash is going to stop me from progressing? NOPE! I will continue to pursue higher level, to reach the level of spreading my wings and soar above the storm!

The life of an Eagle is so adventurous yet the outcome or consequences is so great! Do you know what is the feeling of soaring above the storm? Follow Jesus Christ and He will lead you the way for He is the Light, the Way and the Truth!

What is an air crash when you're above the storm? You're looking at the crash from far above. Isn't that interesting and wonderful? Try it out, you'll never regret and you never will.

The influence of Alcohol

I just wanna write down about my experience with alcohol...

5 yrs ago, when I first went to Pulau Langkawi, I was still a bad bad girl who smokes. I quietly bought a packet of cigarette and smoked one of it but light up all the 20 sticks and put it at the balcony of the hotel we stayed. So bad huh, worse thing is coming along...
That night we actually bought a few bottles of wine or may be beer is more suitable, well however, they were alcoholic drinks. I drank 2 bottles in one shot and felt dizzy and really can't walk in a straight line. Then I took out a present which I wanted to give to a friend (I don't have courage to do it before the alcohol starts bubbling) and gave it out!!

Wow, first time I buy present to other people and present it in public... I was very shy that time.

But then, this time (few days ago) worse thing happen...
This time was Emotionally Uncontrollable Disaster. Well, I believe everyone has emotional crisis. But this time mine is definitely undesirable and unacceptable. You know we humans tend to look at things which is beautiful... I was with a younger girl at this Chinese Wedding Dinner... so happen, we were the two youngest ones, the others were... you know, uncles and aunties...
We started to drink red wine and Hennesy... that's where the alcohol started it's chemical reaction... my cheek became red and I felt hotter and hotter. The girl in front of me (she's sitting opposite) became more and more beautiful... I fond of her at that time.. walau eh, so disasterous!!! I was planning to tell her she's beautiful and ask her to go out with me to yum cha or whatever, and want to get her to be my friend... but.. but.. but I manage to "break" at the point before the words fell out of my mouth. Phew~ it was so close to the lips that I would accidently spilled out what is in my mind. One of the uncle were so bad (he's almost 100% drunk), he was there teasing an Indonesian maid of other people... asking her to eat "hotdog", asking her to go "karaoke", asking her to get drunk so that they can send her "back home"... wou...what a night full of alcohol...

Alcohol not a bad thing but not a good one either. So I have decided not to quit alcohol but to control my "input" of it to prevent the disaster from happening again~ what a blessed wedding dinner, I stop at the right point and now I know I can do it and I believe God is helping me!!

Ouch, that hurts when I stop myself from telling people how I feel because I think it is abnormal. But actually it is not abnormal, I should train myself to praise other people more often so that I won't feel embarrased when trying to praise other people again.

See how God works? NO? Look forward for the next post, I'll have more to update you~

Adios Amigos

First MileStone

I was awarded the excellent achiever award for the Industrial Training that I have gone through with Lion's Club of CyberCare Kuala Lumpur!

I want to thank Ms Hoo, Mr Tan, our Dean Dr Tan and my fellow team members, to list down:
Ms Wan Jing Ying
Mr Ang Yi Yang
Mr Chu Guang Yaw

EEP Team
Mr Kee Chuang Kok (PM)
Mr Law Chee Horng a.k.a Max
Mr Lee Han Boon
Ms Ooi Shiau Fei

I want to thank them for making SITA programme a success and help me in building my character. As the PM (Project Manager) for my VMS team, I would like to thank each and every member in the team because they really supported me and assist me in the project also being a good team player to reach the success of our system.

Well, I guess this is just the first step, which is the FIRST milestone I have achieve in my life. I would continue to build on proven formula and go on to pursue the next level until the end of my life in this world.

I want to Praise my Heavenly Father, who had protected me, given me knowledge, courage and wisdom to present!

Thank you Jesus Christ who has saved me before the world began and had teach me and carry me through all the milestone in my life.

Give thanks and praises unto God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit who had bring me to realise that when I believe, he will build on my faith and continue to bless me with greater success in life and greater testimony to share with people.

I am proud to be a Christian who have faith and believe in Jesus Christ.

Love

Is love so hard? Is it so difficult?

When we said:"Can you please love me? I love you so much, why would you not love me?" to someone of human, we forgot that God is actually saying this to us as well.

Is there any thing we can do to love someone more than what we can?

又是一个爱的问题。

他说：“你不要爱上我，受伤的只是你自己”
另一个说：“只要你爱上我，我回不顾一切的爱你”

第一个是你爱的人，而第二个是爱你的人。那怎么办？爱你的人你不爱，不爱你的人你却偏爱……

爱很奇怪，该来的时候不来，不该来的时候来，教我怎么清楚这道理？

要不，你来说说看好了，看你可否给这问题下个定论。

(O_o)

决定~累

原来做了一个决定，会让人更累。
因为压力来自心里，挣扎只为了要改变。

最近因为电影《Brokeback Mountain》所引起的同性恋风不但席卷了西方国家，更是让亚洲国家和东方保守派并世界各地都卷起了浪潮。

这种风气顿时成为潮流，好像只要你不是同性恋支持者，你就随时会遭不测一般。可想而知，这一股无形的歪风正在侵蚀着所有人。只要是稍有良知的人都知道同性恋本来就不对，无论你是天生或是环境所致。所以咱们要小心不要随“风”飘逸，一失足成千古恨。

每个人生下来都有平等的权利呼吸每一寸的空气，难道单凭天生就可以放肆？许多残障的人不都是先天就比别人不幸吗？可是只有那些在逆境中求存的才能名留青史，其他通通流入黄河，尸骸无存。人若是不珍惜自己，别人也不会看得起你、欣赏你。只有自爱的人才值得人家去爱。

当我做了决定不因歪风而转舵时，我也会面对无限外来的压力和内心的挣扎。这也是间接导致我身心俱疲的因素之一。反正我依然相信，男女之所以有别乃是因为神的创造而来。也因此男女互相补足，彼此扶持偕老。就算“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”都是神所爱的，也因此彼此照顾。

累只要开心、值得付出，生命因此更上一层楼。
人生不就是希望活得精彩、死的光荣吗？人若赚得全世界，赔上自己的生命，有甚么益处呢？

世上无价之宝纵然多，唯有生命与灵魂，陪上了就不能自赎。只有耶和华舍下了爱子基督耶稣来救赎世人，信基督者得永生，既是永生就必有永死之别。

生命有永生，不要轻易浪费它。灵魂有永死，不要随便当掉它。