Relationships

I think nowadays BGR is no longer the heat story but GGR/BBR. However, the questions I had in mind is still about this BGR problem people faced.

I have a male friend, who likes a gal and willing to pursue her as his gf. He hasn't succeed yet. I felt that the gal has nothing romantic with him but he is like so infactuated with her, he was so upset she went out with a guy for dinner. Come on, they have nothing more than normal friendship...
-_-|||

Today, when I was having my morning bath, I think through a lot of things. One thing I had to admit, I have a serious relationship problem. I don't like to build relationships. I don't like people. I don't like guys and I don't like gals. Oh, have to mention, I don't like trans as well. I just don't like anyone. People used up my energy, power, time, everything and in the end what I have is just alone in the solitary night.

Well, may be it's the facts that people has been writing about relationships making me felt worse about being in a relationship. I do many things just out of obligation, not because I wanted to do them, I just do them. Like any soldiers of loyalty, they receive order and complete the mission without questions.

I kept thinking if one day I die, I will have no one to attend my wake service, my burial service and I just left alone for the bugs, the soil and the crops to consume by life-less body. I just felt no excitment about life about things I want to do, about all the most interesting things I've ever done before like love to play basketball, like to window shop basketball shoes, chit-chat over the rainbow. Now I just kept myself in the movies I watch. No one actually understand, including myself, why I won't stop watching american drama series. I'm so addicted. I've built a bond, a strong relationship, with these dramas and I'd hope I'd become one of those character in life.

May be, I'm better off with the life-less things than the human factor relationships. Especially when people working together is giving me stress I couldn't handle. I have, in my lifetime, trying to please everyone but myself. Sad, isn't it... T_T

had a bad day...

Today is a bad day.. it all because I did not do good for the past and it turns out to be a bad one today.

To the dearest people who haven't heard from me since

Hi. I do not know why I don't have anything to write before. I guess I am just testing my endurance and your patience.

I don't know what is in the future and I don't know I have created history but now, I want to tell you, Thank you for caring about me. However, if you keep quite all the time, I don't know what you are thinking. Am I bothering you too much? Or am I being naive to wait for you to come to me?

Alright. I guess, my brain is the culprit. Who kept lying to me about your love. Who kept me from believing you still care.

Thanks for caring. I will live now.

coquettish

Some use this word to describe an action like a spoiled child from a woman to a man...

Today, I had this feeling again. I was thinking why can't I be coquettish to anyone who loves me like my mom, my dad, my siblings or just any close friend. I just can't. Then, there is this picture in my mind. There is one person, a very special person. In front of that person, I can become a kitty or at least I can learn to become one... That's the only person that comes into my mind. No one else.

Twins

Today I went to search the Japanese drama that was once shown on Astro. I have been looking for this tv series for quite some time but just like those people on the Internet, I fail to get a copy of this.

There is a DVD box set selling in Japan... I hope someday, someone would get it for me from Japan.. but after I read the synopsis, I realised that what I like about the movie is where the life of the character is during they adolescence. After that, I don't really want to watch because it's a 50 episodes movie...

Anyway, I still like it a lot.

The ultimate reason to upgrade to IE 8!!

After reading the article from CNET, I finally know why I need to upgrade my IE browser...

At first, I thought I shall not when I read this:

Using the SunSpider JavaScript test, the official IE 8 scored 9849.4ms on a Windows Vista machine with 2GB of RAM and a 3GHz clock. This is significantly slower than most other major browsers. Not surprisingly, Microsoft claims (scroll down to Case Study Videos) that these kinds of speed tests aren't relevant to how most people use their browser, and there may be some legitimacy to that.

Still slower than most major browsers, I thought, nah, why resort to a slower browser when you have the faster ones.

But I continue reading all the interesting features in IE 8 until finally:

Drawbacks aside, there's no reason not to upgrade if you're an old fan of IE, and there's even a few things in IE 8 for new users. Even though there are some nice usability features in IE 8, I think Internet Explorer has a long way to go to replace the damage that the notoriously insecure IE 6 did to its reputation.

Now I know, it's not that we all need to use IE 8 but those who are IE users should upgrade their IE to IE 8. :p

And for this, I know that IE 6 is so damage, that IE's reputation can hardly please those who've since sourced for other browsers... Too bad. I do hope one day IE will really become better, for the sake of many web applications.

P/S: I wonder why other browsers are getting better but not IE? hmm 0.o

MS Office

I've been getting the annoying message from my Microsoft Office Applications.

Which a pop up box kept saying:
Title: MS Office Live Add-in
Message: Connecting to the network failed. Try again later.

I'm like so the blur what is this add-in message keeps bugging! Until I found this:
http://www.pcreview.co.uk/forums/thread-3729967.php

Solution:
excel options > add-ins > comm add-ins > go > uncheck office live add-in > ok

Phew~ at least now I know there is this annoying add-in keeps bugging!

Batman - The Dark Knight

I've just finish watching the movie of Batman - The Dark Knight.

The only conclusion that I have is, "Who are you to think that you can outlive anyone?"
Often times, I thought I'm better, I feel proud of what I've done but what about the things I do when no one sees me? What about the bad thoughts I've had about someone?

I've never felt so bad. My spirit is broken.
I need some time off. I could barely breathe.

Sins and guilt, fear and greed, I've got them all just like anyone on the earth. For what reason shall I feel any better about what I did? I have none. Do you?

...

Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Purple, and Black

A girl came for a job interview.
To test her English, Boss ask her to create sentences with the colour:
green, pink, yellow, blue, white, purple, and black.
She answered:
I hear phone 'GREEN GREEN', then i go and 'PINK' up the phone, and i say 'YELLOW BLUES' that?
'WHITE' did you say?
oh wrong number, don't PURPLELY' disturb people and don't call 'BLACK' okay?
Boss say: You can go black now and wait for the phone green green.

LOL!

Adapted from: http://utopiastaging.blogspot.com/2007/11/green-pink-yellow-blue-white-purple-and.html

Kek Sim

For Malay speaking friends, please do not think this is some kinda cake that calls Sim. This is a Hokkien translation of Malay sakit hati or English heartache.

I feel so "kek sim" about someone. He is a friend but he has lost his faith. He resents God because of some unhappy events/incidents happened in the past. He cannot see the good side of God and enjoys his current life.

It is surely, none of my business to care about how he is living because we were not so called close friends. But he is a friend and I felt the responsibility to let him know that God is not what he thinks so. The unhappy events were caused by human beings that do not rely 100% of their lives on God.

Although, I am not relying myself 100% on God yet but I see the importance of achieving that and I felt so heart broken when I saw his face of dissappointment with God. Whenever I bring this topic up, he is more or less telling me that he is interested but with a boring face.

Well, I think, this is a common problem we all have. We said we love someone but when that someone doesn't respond to our love, we will no longer love him/her. We often choose to only love things that please us. What about events of sufferings that helped us to grow? In the process, we hate those events and we do not like to follow them. We bring more sufferings to ourselves.

My toe nails always grow into the flesh beside the nails and this caused huge uncomfortable until I cannot walk. To make sure I can feel comfortable, I had to use sharp edge scissors to cut out the nails which is a painful process but it is sure to bring peace after I do that. I think the life process is more or less similar. There are nails cutting into the flesh like all earthly events we go through everyday. We will not feel it until it is so deep into the flesh, we could feel the pain killing us. And then we cry out to God and ask Him why didn't He remove those events. Then, we felt greater pain because God is working to remove the nails. But instead of trusting God to cut the nails, we shouted, stop, I'd rather stay with the average pain then to break free from it. We just do not want to suffer greater pain which we do not know but will free us later.

Well, what Jesus said in the Bible is so true that sometimes the good has been revealed to us but we do not understand and know and foremost trust that it will lead us to freedom.

Remain in sin is comfortable because you have already used to the pain. To break free, we need faith and trust that God is always there throughout the process. Our sufferings will end with joy and peace one day. Til then, keep it on. Have faith and march on.

I hope one day, this friend that give me a heartache will see and realise how God is good and great to him and he will rely and love God again.

Grief

Over the news of "no increment this year until the month of June. We will review again. If you are better than ever, I would recommend an increment..."

Please do not ask any further about this. I just do not want to flood my bed with tears.

Thanks...

Couldn't believe that this is the ultimate conclusion of my "One on One" session. I'm improving over these few months after the last "Chatting" session.

I serve the Lord high above, not the man who sometimes break my heart. I will continue to believe His grace and love is sufficient to carry me through. I love you God. This is first time I boldly confess I love God. His Words will provide me positive thoughts and His law will lead me like the lamp in the dark.

Thank God for the bad feelings but I still know you are with me. I shall not fear for the circumstances but I know you have a perfect plan. Teach me your ways, show me you work that I shall follow you. Give me wisdom to know you and do your ways. Amen.

Holiday during CNY.

I'm going on Company Trip to HK from 30th Jan - 3rd Feb.
Staying here:

Hotel Accomodation

Hotel : Metropark Hotel Wanchai

Address : 41-49 Hennessy Road, Wanchai, Hong Kong

Tel : 852-2861 1166

Fax : 852-2865 6111

If you need to tell me something, pls sms, don't call. I'll find time to reply you =P

Well, if you want some souvenirs or need to pass something to someone in HK, I might be able to help you if you inform me earlier :)

Love me, love me not.

Sometimes, when you are not sure, you go for random decision but sometimes, you are sure, you just do not want to hurt others nor yourself but that is a hard decision. Either decision you make will hurt one side or the other.

If you tell a person, "I love you", the person may reject you or he/she may accepts you. Either way you are not to risk losing a best friend of life because after you say that line, you no longer keep your friendship the way it was if the situation is not controlled with wisdom.

So, our mind tends to fight for the best way to go for. Whether to risk our friendship or to let ourselves be in the comfortable situation and make no steps forward.

Even though I'm a bit able to fight off some evil thoughts with the Truth, I'm still only at level 1 or 2 -- Rookie level. I still need to pursue a higher level in order to know how to make a wise decision and how to handle the emotional imbalance of making either good/bad decisions.

Sometimes, I just do not know what to consider when making a decision... why have I become like that? I used to know how to make decision? But do I or I just follow my feelings at that time of decision and used to get mad when things get in my way? I think I'm the later one.

This journey is not easy into transformation. My mind goes blank when I need to think of how and why. I can only work on what to do next. And by saying next I mean next minute or second. I can't plan for the next day, week or month before the actually time hits. No wonder my time management is so poor.

I can't even remember what to write after a few minutes later (I've been trying to write a new post since last week, but couldn't remember after something happen in between which distracted my thoughts).

I hope my friends would not give up hope on me. I will continue to improve and with God's help, I believe, I can be better.

The second weekend of 2009 has past and I've also realized the true friends in life. I love you, my true friends.

May be I should flashback on 2008 and see what I've done right and wrong and what I can give thanks and areas that I should improve. Erm... may be later tonight I'll draft it out.

^*^

=)

Hasta la vista

New Year - New Me

My last picture taken in year 2008:


The New Look:


I hope to generate a new appearance as well as practice to live in God by FAITH to allow Him to renew my spirit!

A New Beginning

When I typed the title for this post, I wonder, how can we have a new beginning? Haven't we all started with our life ever since we catch our first breath in the womb?

Today, I went shopping. I bought quite a lot of things and surprisingly today was a pleasant shopping day with my headache, not enough sleep and frustrated about things that people did not do as I expected them to do.

It was a day that I did not shout and make the shopping worse but I kept my voice low to just inform them about my feelings and keep quite for the rest of the shopping.

When we reach home, after 2 hours of rest and tv watching, we discovered that the skirt that I bought is more than RM 100!!! (If I'm drinking, I would really spilled!) I never thought I would spend so much for a skirt!

Well, I guess you all will have a new me in the coming days of this year. At the very least, a new appearance.

Hope to see you soon.

Adios, Amigos.

Gotta get some sleep, need to wake up early for work tomorrow =)

Good Night and Happy New Year!

Good Morning 2009, Good Night 2008!

My last post for 2008, concluding the year.

I attended the last cell group meeting of the year, here's some photographs (to prove I did attend... hehehe, haven't been faithful to attend CG, sorry, guys.): CG Christmas gathering photographs.

I thank God for the days He provided and took care of me throughout 2008.

I specially thank God for 2 spiritual ladies who have supported me throughout the year, pulling the strings to keep me from falling down.

I thank God for CG members (and my brother, also one of the CG member) who kept me in prayer and always welcome me back to CG.

I thank God for people he brought into my life, smiling events, touching moments, sad times, and His abundant grace.

This year an old lady left us to be with God. She is not that close with me but I don't even have a picture of her to remember her. She left on Christmas morning in pain (heart attack). It wasn't so sad about it but I know we are not going to expect a nice little grandma giving us ang pao for the year. My dad always driver her to church, she was my dad's cell member. We had some good times enjoying the gentleness of ama -- that's how we call her. But now, we have to learn how to give her gentleness to others because she left us with a warmth in our heart to care to share.

Well, many people left and be with the Lord this year but we never forget what they left behind for us to enjoy and remember. May be it's time to review again and to think about ourselves -- what do we want people to remember about us when we die?

I guess I couldn't finish the book "Victory over the darkness" this year, but I will try my very best to practise what I have learned from the book in 2009. Hoping to see a change in me through God.

To declare my identity:
I am a child of God. I am loved and given eternal life by God.

I believe and have faith in God.

Thank you Jesus Christ for His sacrifice. Now I appreciate everytime I can end my prayer with "In Jesus Name". It is by His name my prayers are answered. It is in His name my life was restored.

May the love of Jesus Christ brings you and me, peace and joy.

Happy New Year 2009!

Sober

Staying sober is the hardest thing for a strong addict.

When you quit from something, you stay sober and as long as you can get use to sober, you can get off with the addiction.

It felt so good to deepen into the lies of the devil but I realise it is not freedom but bondage. A "temporary pleasant" bondage. I'll have to stay sober and keep it up. Until now, I still can't get myself out of the shadow of the devil's claw. I see where I am but I'm not going out of where I am.

I want to get out and break free. No matter how hard it could be. I should and will, this time, get myself over and do not stop when it's so hard and difficult to fight and resist. For I am not alone. The key figure of Christmas -- Jesus Christ is with me and He will always be there for me. I just need to trust and jump over the gap.

My greatest fear when I was small is to jump over a drain. Even though I know the gap of the drain is not too wide for my legs to get across, I'm just not able to bear the thought of falling into the drain. Even until now, I still hesitate every time I need to cross one. But I still cross all the drains without falling into one, should I be gaining enough courage to get over the next one? I guess not. But every time I will step out in faith the cross the gap for I know He is with me, I shall have no doubts. Even if I fall, he is by my side. How far do I still want to keep Him away from my business? Soon, I will learn how to take baby steps to stand and be still.

So, Christmas has been meaningful for me. How about you? May be you should give Jesus Christ a chance to renew and change your life. For I have found the true Prince of Peace and I have decided to resist the lies of the devil.

Isa 30:15

Isaiah 30:15 (New International Version)

 15 This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
       "In repentance and rest is your salvation,
       in quietness and trust is your strength,
       but you would have none of it.

Exposure is no good.

I saw this when I browse through the recent updates in Live Home, "silly..dun destroy my name!"

I've used that person's name on my blog before... I thought to myself, did I misused the name? So, I put my post on draft, hopefully not cache by google yet...

Knowing too much is sometimes not so good. I'd rather know what I need to know and what I am allowed to know... I shall stop worry about these little things. Waste my time!

So, who cares if I did something wrong? I have done it, tell me and I will change. Thank you.

Diary #20081209

Last Thursday, I had a chat with Angel on Live Messenger. She concluded as follows:

jing ling ; angel: ur this attitude of thinking dat u can't when you can fight ur 'temptations'
jing ling ; angel: u kept thinking n doubting...
jing ling ; angel: because of dat..u allowed the devil a chance to enter easily

Today, a few days later, I had to admit that she was right. Many incidents happened just these few days allowed me to conclude that she was right. I struggled to accept the fact.

It was a few dreams...
One night, Andrew Chan came to our place. He did some foot massage and told me I have a lot of dreams at night during sleep. I told him it was normal to have dreams, wasn't it? Few weeks later, 2 nights ago, I had a dream about Wen. It was a bad dream. The worst I've ever had in my lifetime. A dream about me hurting Wen and I regretted and felt sorry about what I did in the dream. Then, in the afternoon the next day, I had a dream about a prostitute mother and a handicapped son. She earn by being a prostitute to raise her son. I felt sorry for her. I wish I could help her. The third one was last night. I couldn't remember the content of the dream but it was something sad and helpless.

The third dream was after I told Wen about the first and second dream. Her angry face is still so vividly shown in my head. I guess the third dream was me trying to get off the sadness.

If I kept thinking like Angel said, I will start to doubt and start to disbelief and then the evil thoughts will embrace me til I cannot breath. I can let it go and let it not harm me anymore. At first, I thought I can ignore the them and think positively but ignoring is not the final shot to end the problem. I need something better. I need God. I need the righteous one to save me from this.

I can fight the 'temptations' with God who gives me strength and He will win the battle for me.

Diary #20081207

I couldn't hold on to the truth. My sister found the "Glucovance" medication prescribed by the doctor last night. I denied it's mine. Later this afternoon, I told my mom and my sister...

My mom started her "nagging" and adviced me not to eat this and that and should eat what and what. Before she went for her nap and after we read my previous blood test report (taken on 19 Aug 2006), she said this, "I think you need to change your job. Your work now is highly affecting your health!"


May be my work does the trigger to my diabetic DNA.. It came from my dad and I knew it for long. It wasn't a surprise but I'm just not use to a sudden change of my diet.

May be it takes a while to adapt to this new change of lifestyle...

Angel once told me I had to have an attitude change... what change do I need to make? I still don't get it. Perhaps the lifestyle change has to first start with the attitude change.

Well, my mother couldn't believe it. I was advised to do another check up to confirm the symptoms like ants on my urine is proven to be high glucose. Hopefully I can do it real soon. I mean real soon.

Diary #20081206

I felt so guilty looking at the open fridge. I dare not take any food I like even though I was hungry. Still accumulating courage to tell my parents the bad news about my glucose test...

Family History + Loss Weight [+ Lost Ants in toilet]

Confirmed diagnosis:

Glucose (Fasting) 17.2 MMOL/L (Normal: <6.1) = Diabetic

I accepted the medication for 30 days and second visit to evaluate the medication effect after 25 days (30 Dec 2008) - Hopefully good news before new year... I shall listen and do exactly as the doctor advised..

Way later only go for extra check ups on Kidney lar, eyes lar.. depending on the second visit blood test results.

Bless me.

17.8

Does these numbers mean anything to you?

When the doctor saw the numbers, she was overwhelmed. Immediately, she double confirm with the nurse to see if the little device is new. She wasn't sure what she was reading is correct or not.

17.8 is displayed on the screen of that small little glucose test device. My friend who went in before me only had 8.8, which is already considered high. My reading shocked the doctor for a while.

She explained to me how important to take the lab test for accuracy. I told her I will go to my relative's lab to do the test meanwhile I let her pull more blood for lab glucose test. I will go back and collect my report tomorrow. Hopefully, it was just a joke... hahahah.. It will not be and I'll need to adjust my life again..

17.8 - Does it mean anything to you?

Words : More than words.

I admit that I do enjoy blogs with photos/pictures. They look more interesting and lively.

I do not have such passion to grab every opportunity to take pictures/photos. I just love to write.

I had a very busy Friday night, Saturday and Sunday. My church is celebrating 110th anniversary and 30th mission conference. I was glad to be there throughout the process. But in my mind, the work that is left incomplete let me to think that I do not have a good testimony. I simply did not do good to others by what I did.

My church theme this year is "One World One Vision". Beyond words. More than words. It's a picture to begin with. That's how beautiful our eyes were created to be able to see things that's beyond our understandings.

It is also easier to understand through pictures.

On Saturday night, I was not able to sustain throughout the sermon because it was too tiring after a whole day of physical activities during the children mission conference. We were blessed to have a good weather when we started the opening ceremony. The rain from Friday night stopped right on time. Although my team did not win any prizes but I felt the children and I know they need the gospel very much. These blessed children should be a blessing to others with what they have instead they are now abusing what they own and fear much to give/share their love with others.

How unfortunate the children who have nothing but the streets as their bed and the rubbish as their food. How fortunate we are to have a lovely house, nice clothes, good shoes, nutritious meals. I felt ashamed that I did not do my best to help those in need instead I'm abusing what I have. Sometimes, I overeat, other times, I over sleep. Therefore, on Sunday morning when we did our pledge for next year's mission fund, I dare not keep an account for myself because for what I have is what God gave. I do not and is not capable of getting all my labour worth a cent/penny if it was not God's grace.

May be you will say I'm too religious but I truly believe that God has put more that what I've asked for in my life. How little can I pay back with that little pledge card. I just hope I could help more.

On Sunday, the speaker, Dr. John Chang was a funny man. I like his voice, his tone is just nice to be heard. His attention to environment was great as well. He is the only speaker who speaks and look around to seek attention from everyone. He is very polite. He preached about team building and I think he is a great person in team building. He do things in humorous way so that people can accept his suggestion and change. He also reminded me that I am no longer a good team player.

Later that evening, my church celebrated our anniversary in a restaurant. The dishes were great except for the second dish that consists of 5 different small portions of food. Overall, I like the celebration. Especially, it was so soothing to have all brothers and sisters in Christ sitting over the table to enjoy the nice food together. The choir and praise and worship were great and amazing! They sang like angels from Heaven. I was touched by the lyrics. It says, "I will honor him in every choice I make". Have I honor God in every choice that I make?

How I hope, my thoughts, my words and my actions honor Him in every way that I can.

Why I sinned? Partly because I am not at the right place doing what I am suppose to do. Slowly, I was tempted and committed sin.

Dear Lord, help me to live a life that honors you in every way I can. Strengthen me to do the right thing. Give me spiritual wisdom so that I make right choice that glorifies your name. For what I can do is by your grace. In Jesus name, I pray, Amen.

I dedicated my heart to the Lord of the universe that is above all. Shall I bear the fruit of the Holy Spirit and walk the only bright and victorious path to seek His face.

Tired and exhausted.

If you read me from here. You'd probably see that I've been updating things about myself and many unhappy things.

I have never ever felt so tired before. How tired? Have you ever tried to drive with eyes open but sleeping? That's how tired I felt. I have to drive but I need to sleep.

I was so angry recently. I unistalled my Firefox and Live Messenger... but in the end I had to re-install them back because I need to use them in case for work.

I'm sleep working, sleep after I past motion before I flush.. you know how disgusting to sleep in the smelly toilet? I can even sleep with that smell.. oh, I think I really need to get some more sleep.

So, can I be late for work? Nope.
So, can I take emergency leave? Probably.
So, can I go and see doctor to ask for MC? Depends whether the doctor leng chai or not lor.. hehehe

I'm really very tired and exhausted. I just do not want to let others down. Please allow me to have more strength to move on.

Diary #20081122

I had a bad afternoon. So bad that I couldn't laugh in the cinema watching Madagascar 2. I've even worsen the situation by bringing this negative emotions into the group of people I'm hanging out with.

It was a sunny day, we went to eat seafood noodles at Segambut. It was a great lunch until we came back from lunch. I was listening to streaming audio and pop-up the lyrics. My supervisor passed by my desk and saw the second monitor (I'm using a laptop and an additional monitor) was showing the streaming audio. Later, I received an email pointing out that I'm using the second monitor for entertainment. Yes, I did and I also use it for my work. It was, to me, an accusation of me not being at work with 2 monitors but entertaining myself with the extra resources the company allow me to use. Well, I felt very bitter about this and this is not the first time I felt it but this time is the worst one until now.

I read the Prime Time with God that says this:

Check Your Armor
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman
11-21-2008

"That is why the Israelites cannot stand against their enemies.... (Joshua 7:12).
Battle commanders want to know the vulnerabilities of their enemies. Companies want to know the vulnerabilities of their competition. We also need to know our spiritual vulnerability.

This is the message God told Joshua when he attempted to go against a small army at Ai, which was the Israelites' second battle in the Promised Land. Sometimes we try to figure out why we are not successful in an endeavor from the natural only. We look at all aspects of our performance to see what went wrong. Perhaps our strategy was flawed or our timing was off or our pricing was wrong. For the people of Israel, it was not easily seen on the surface. Everything seemed just as it should be from Joshua's vantage point, so when his army was soundly defeated, he cried out to God, "Ah, Sovereign Lord, why did You ever bring this people across the Jordan to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us?" (Josh. 7:7a).

The people had been defeated because God could not bless them. One person had violated the covenant with God. They were not to take any possessions from the first battle, but one person failed to be obedient and the whole army suffered.

Sin makes our armor vulnerable to attack from Satan, who then gains permission from God to attack us in the area where we have failed to uphold righteousness. If we break down in moral purity, Satan comes in and establishes a stronghold. If we give place to bitterness and unwillingness to forgive, we will break fellowship with God and others. If we become money-focused, we will fall into greed and deception. It is a vicious cycle.

Examine your armor today. Make sure you are not susceptible to attack. Begin from a solid spiritual foundation and your chances of success will be great.

There, the words highlighted in purple really pointed out my soul status. I am giving place to bitterness and unwillingness to forgive. That caused me to break my fellowship with God and others. The bitterness kept growing like a snow ball. It just roll and roll into bigger and bigger snow ball. My armor is weak, they could not defeat the attack.

It was not anyone else's fault but my own stronghold that keeps pulling me down into a deep dark hole.

Oh, God, could you come and spare my life?

While I was watching Madagascar yesterday night, I watch without laughter but tears. It just came rolling out of my eyes. I am not a person who can easily cry but the tears just came out of it... it was my first time, pouring tears secretly in the cinema... I can't help it. I need to release them out...

Love the Lord your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strenght. These words just came into my heart. He who loves me never leave me nor forsake me; for we love, is because He first Loved us.

May God bless you, my readers.

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Method 2 (cannot recognise in SharePoint): \w+((-\w+)|(\.\w+)|(\_\w+))*\@[A-Za-z0-9]+((\.|-)[A-Za-z0-9]+)*\.[A-Za-z]{2,5}

Backup Database with T-SQL

Method 1:
SQL Script generated from SQL Server Management Studio (Scripting Style for SQL Server 2000)
BACKUP DATABASE [DATABASENAME] TO DISK = N'D:\MSSQL\MSSQL\BACKUP\DBBACKUPSET_20081120' WITH NOFORMAT, NOINIT, NAME = N'Full Database Backup', SKIP, NOREWIND, NOUNLOAD, STATS = 10
GO

Diary #20081115

I'm feeling very bad... negative... every words from their mouth hurts. It's so hurting. Like I'm never good at anything...

During Secondary School, I play sports. Sports is the only area I was treated fairly. Although I am not the best one but I am confident in what I do.

Now if you ask me, I felt discriminated among those who are late to work...

My life has been dedicated to the job and yet I was said to be lazy, not hardworking... it bores down to may be I'm just too slow to come out with a good job. They've been saying, no need to worry about details but people like our clients actually is asking why this person has no title during the testing stage. People are so looking for details and I'm not suppose to focus too much on details.

I will try. And I will do as you said to neglect the details.

I need a break and a shoulder. I need my bed at home and I need the bolster I've long for. I need a pillow and some great nights of sleep.

I've just sold my soul to the company by working no day no night including weekends and holidays! How I wish I can just let it go....

Let it go... relax... let it go...

Diary #20081106

I do not know exactly what happen to my body system. I'm experimenting my urine to prove that I have or not diabetes symptoms like sweet urine.

I do not know the ants did lost their way or am I just worry too much. Slowly, I will have to cut down on desserts and every single sweet things. At least try not to attempt to eat them.

And my lifestyle.. working until this time, I cannot imagine how long I can survive in this situation. How I hope today's meeting in the morning is just a way out for me to loosen up my responsibility. May be if I did not suspect my health problems I would not reacted that way.

The meeting was to discuss why I did not perform as expected and did not complete my tasks on time as I've promised. I gave excuses that is not accepted. I have accepted their suggestion to change. I hope I do not disappoint others but how many expectations can I cope?

I have been suspecting my "diabetic symptoms". It happens after my weight loss, then hair fall, then low appetite and now hunger. It was all medical symptoms or was I just think too much when such things happened? Even recurring vaginal yeast infection has added on to my list of symptoms to be suspected.

I think it is time to get some real blood test. If there is only a quicker method to confirm my "symptoms", I would like to try it out. May be I can get some blood sugar tester from the pharmacy nearby my office.

So, how shall I face it? Calmly? Aggressively? Ignorantly? I do not know. Just like when I saw the ants, my mind is blank for a second or two.

So, what about my birthday tomorrow? Shall I celebrate with the news? Can I be happy with it? It is not deadly but controllable with proper medication and diets and lifestyle adjustment. So, would I be able to handle it? Do it? Make it?

Don't think too much, Michelle. You just do what ever is necessary to accept the fact and to slow down the symptoms. Everybody deserves death, it is a matter of shorter life span or longer only. But that is not the most important thing. The most important thing is what would people write on your tomb stone when you die.

So, Michelle, can you promise me to look at this positively? I love you so much, please promise me you will face it and conquer it.

Diary #20081105

Today, I was awaken by my roommate because she needed a lift to the LRT station due to sudden heavy rain.

Then, I went back home. I was tired and after my toilet trip, I went back to sleep. When I woke up, I wanted to take a bath. When I was in the bathroom, something amazing shocked me!

There were some ants who lost their way and went into the toilet bowl! I checked the toilet bowl. Ah! I forgot to flush after the toilet trip. Hmm... I think they just lost their way... will try again tomorrow to see if they lost their way or I did something to attract them there... hahaha... lost ants

Diary #20081103

This morning when I woke up, again, I felt my left hand middle finger, index finger and thumb is numb.

May be, I said may be, it is a diabetes symptom...

Diary #20081031

Stress is a very daring substance. It makes me feel uneasy the whole day...

I think I'm experiencing eating disorder... yet to call it Bulimia nervosa. And am having anxiety disorder which also yet to be called Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).

I want to do my best in all areas but I can't make all things at their best. At least, I have to sacrifice one of them...

I was having 3 nights of troubled sleeping and excessively eating my dinner + supper. I woke up during sleep to go to toilet at least 2 times per night. I needed some rest... a longer rest than just a day of holiday.

I need to leave the place I'm in now and find a new living mind. My brain is getting old, it doesn't function like I know it used to be.

Diary #20081028

My colleague, Catherine, told me that my blog is not so interesting for her because I do not write down my daily life. Well, I think this is my daily life as a blogger, telling people what is interesting in life that I found online or whatever is inside my heart. But, today I'd like to write something more descriptive (sorry, if I couldn't be more descriptive) about my day.

This morning, I couldn't wake up because I watch late drama (on the TV) last night until 1am. I spent some time on my bed trying to sleep before I really do. This morning, as usual, I had to send my brother to school early (do I sound a bit reluctant? ya.. I do). So, it was 6.30am when my brother came and knock on my door. After dropping him off to school, I received a call on my way back to my place in PJ. I couldn't answer the phone because the battery is low. I quickly unpack my things from the car to get a phone charger. I called back my friend. She said she had a migraine and would like to me bring her to doctor. I told her I had to take a bath first. So, after taking bath, around 8am, I left the house.

I reach her place, pick her up and drove the Mediveron Clinic. Today is just after Deepavali Holiday and so many people is sick at the clinic. We waited for 45 mins until the nurse called out my friend's name. After examination, doctor said she is pretty fine, just her body is too heaty that causes the migraine. After the examination, we were sent out from the room to wait for the medicine. I think her company is good in the sense that her medical bills are paid for. After taking the medication, we went to my car. I was blocked by a MyVii. This is my first time, pushing the honk button in my car to alarm the car owner to remove the car. It wasn't long after my second honk, an Indian lady came out from the clinic (this is another clinic on the opposite side of the road) and reverse her car for me to go out.

We went to a nearby shop for some breakfast. After I parked my car and took my laptop with me, we walked into a shop with many smaller stalls. I put my laptop beside my leg under the table. Then we talked about food. She said she would order for me and then insisted to pay for the food as a return favor for my time to send her to clinic for check up. I said it wasn't that troublesome. When we finish eating, we left the table to another stall in front of the shop for some cakes and cookies. When we return to our car, a person came by and told me that I left my bag. Oh! I cried in my heart. I think I did shouted out as well but I couldn't remember. Thank God for that uncle who came by and tell me. I quickly ran back to the shop. But I found no bag! The chicken rice stall aunty was kind, she told it was at the counter. I went to the counter and told the aunty there I want my bag. She ask me where I was sitting. I told her I was sitting in front of the chicken rice stall and she said ok, here is your bag. Phew~ the aunty was trying to verify if I'm the owner of the bag. Thank God she did that. Although at that point of time I was so worried I couldn't get back my bag and was annoyed by her questioning me.

It was my first time, leaving something so important behind. I think it is because I didn't have enough sleep yesterday night and due to a whole day of physical activities (I helped my parents to paint our apartment that was waiting to be rented and washed my neglected 2-month didn't wash car). Tonight I think I have to rest properly. But before that, I have to finish my work of the day.

Til then, Adios amigos~

Eye-Opener Clock?

[Gun O'Clock guns for a showdown]

Relationship #2

I've been thinking about this topic recently.

I begin to feel uneasy about it.

I discover I'm too introvert and have less friends.

I begin to blame my past, resent my present and do not appreciate my future.

Oh God, would you comfort me again?

Relationship

Somehow, I felt that in any relationship, to reach mutual understanding, each one have to ask the others' opinion before doing anything. For example, if 2 people are going out for lunch. A would ask B where about to have lunch, then together, they figure out what's best instead of A deciding the place without B's consent.

To know what is the best approach, each one must ask also. Like A want to talk to B about something. A would ask B, do you prefer me to write to you or talk directly to you? Of course, writing is a better way to avoid conflict because the reader can use his/her own perception to read it but on the other hand, the meaning might be twisted.

I am not sure if anyone agrees with me, this is my opinion. If I do have a chance of this kind, I will try it out. But I am not brave enough to create this opportunity.

Thank God for my 2 good friends who have always been caring and concern about me without me going to them as often to care about their lives. I hope God will lead this relationship and in all areas of relationship and my life. For I want God to be my leader, if not, who else can I put my trust in?

The Marketing of Evil

How Radicals, Elitists and Pseudo-Experts Sell Us Corruption Disguised as Freedom


If I have a chance, I would pick up this book and read it. I think it would be interesting!

most girls are straight until they're not. And then... sometimes they're gay 'til they're not.

May Your Spirit Come (恳求圣灵来)

JJVC 诗班演绎


懇求聖靈來，滲透我的全人
願你蓬勃的生機，澆灌我枯乾的心靈
懇求聖靈來，滋潤貧乏生命
願你熱切的愛，融化我冰冷的心

求你沛然降臨，求你充滿我心
讓我存謙卑的心，天天與你同行
求你塑我個性，求你馴我心意
讓我好憐憫公義，時時與你同行

懇求聖靈來，開啟我的眼睛
願你智慧的話語引導我進入真理
懇求聖靈來，勝過我的不義
願我甘心樂意，順服你時刻導引

求你沛然降臨，求你充滿我心
讓我存謙卑的心，天天與你同行
求你塑我個性，求你馴我心意
讓我好憐憫公義，時時與你同行
lyrics adapted from blog 山長水遠放牛羊 blog-post 懇求聖靈來

Courtship

Quoted from Understanding Marriage

Marriage is no place for pettish, peevish, selfish, self-centered folks to enter; but it is good soil for self-sacrifice, self-denial, and selflessness to grow and develop. True love will cause one to think more of what he can give than what he can get. Infatuation and physical attraction will work just the opposite, causing one to think more of what he can get than what he can give.

Floppy Disk Journal

Handmade writing journal made from 80s floppy disks.


Each journal includes approximately 80 acid-free pages.


Both the front and back cover are made from 5.25" floppy disks


[VAT19]

I cannot imagine if how cool it would be to have one of this during my meetings... imagine other people looking at me like this @.@, "What's that?!".

Test your color IQ

My Score

[FM 100 Hue Test]

User Friendly 404 Not Found

I want it the way I want it!

My company decided to visit Hong Kong for our company trip this year. I was happy to know that I can visit my friend in Hong Kong, which I've only got in touch with recently.

So, I send her a message in friendster saying that I'll be meeting her. She told me she might come to Malaysia during my trip. I told her I'd really wanna meet her there. On her second reply, she said, "When your schedule is fixed then only tell her, alright?" I felt I'm so selfish and childish.

Who am I to decide she has to meet me at that time? I'm just trying to force her to stay back and wait for me? I just want it the way I want it. How immature this is!

I have also realised that I never grow up after secondary school. During my schooling years, I'm so good, so considerate, so able to lead people but now, I'm just so childish.

Being child-like is what people admire, not childish.

Thank God for revealing this fact to me -- I haven't been behaving maturely.

Do you trust God

Be careful! If God isn't in what you are doing, you need to make a change.

Adapted: http://philtanks.multiply.com/journal/item/3/Trusting_Gods_Timing

USB 8GB Flash Drive Lighter

Wah~~~~[Think Geek]

If you know me, you would have known that I like to collect lighter. Even more impressive, this is a 8GB USB! I can bring it anywhere without being noticed that I like lighter...

Many people like to ask me why I bring a lighter with me. I just like to bring it anywhere. So that when someone needs fire, I can make them hot. akakaka...

My friend would think I need this.

This is one of the most impressive bags I think most of my friends would think I need one:

[Think Geek]

Why?

1. It has multiple compartments - suitable for ppl like me, never carry enough in the bag.
2. It looks small and nice even with so many things inside! - I just love it this way.
3. It's one of the most powerful gadgets you should wear at anytime anywhere!

Oh, come on, don't buy this as my birthday gift. This is insulting your capability of getting a better stuff, right?

So, erm... yes, I would like to have one... :-P

Think deeper...
Ok, I don't need it. Just like to have it. So, don't waste your money. Get me something else instead ya.

Best Picture to show how cold is the temperature!

Quiz found in the British Museum

Found in the British Museum Score: 17% (2 out of 12)

Most Impressive Birthday wishes Post!

I personally was impressed by this post: http://rachahwen.blogspot.com/2008/09/for-ngel-normal-0-false-false-false.html

This is a special way of saying Happy Birthday to Angel. The message was so clear and the love from the post was so direct!

I love this post a lot! Great creativity!

Love me pretty

I am pretty. Everyone talks to me.

I am pretty hot. Everyone looks at me.

I am pretty lost. Everyone helps me.

I am pretty needy. Everyone gives me.

I am pretty not. Everyone turns away from me.

There is only who never turn away... that is He who created and Love me from now til forever.

My IQ Test Results in Facebook!!

IQ Test
Not bad, I almost run out of time :-P

Spatial IQ Test

Classic IQ Test

I'm so average? I can't believe it.. hahaha

So, wanna prove you're intelligent, take the test :-P

Love

We seek love even from the beginning of our lives but never did we find the true love...

Trust . Believe . Faith

I had a brand new idea about trust. I recall when I was younger, I had a diary. I keep it secretly and wrote all my feelings in it. Some I'd share with other but some I wanted to keep it just to myself. One day, I found out that my mother was reading my diary, I lost trust and I kept the diary away, never a word is being written into it anymore...

So, I have learned that one cannot be trusted if one has too many secrets. My mother didn't trust me because I didn't tell her about myself. When she cares and she doesn't understand, of course she finds her way to understand her daughter. So, now I learn to inform my mother before I carry out a decision, discuss with her my point of view and we all learn how to praise each other in the process. Later, we built trust. Now, I think I'm ok with trust.

Trust I think is the fundamental of Believe and Faith. If you believe, you trust. If you have Faith, you believe and trust.

I may have believe in things but I have no faith. I have no faith.

I wonder how to train faith... so that I can become strong.. may be I shouldn't become strong but have faith will do...

Loyalty.

I thought I've been loyal to everyone and everything but didn't know that I'm therefore not loyal to myself. I've been trying to please too many and I'm not pleasing myself. Things doesn't change, but I did. I have so many things to tell yet so few to write.

I started to realise that the loyalty that I understand is now what it is... then I started to self-conflicting within my brain. They couldn't understand each other. You know, when we are thinking, our brain actually short circuit.

I'm in the middle of my work but I'm here blogging to please myself, not loyal to company but is to myself. However, I'm not loyal to my company for not being at work during working hours.

So, may be too many thoughts I put it together. I will one day try to clean up my brain closet.

Three Bullets [Quote]

THREE BULLETS

There once was a man who had nothing for his family to eat. He had an old rifle and three bullets. So, he decided that he would go out hunting and kill some wild game for dinner.

As he went down the road, he saw a rabbit. He shot at the rabbit and missed it. The rabbit ran away.

Then he saw a squirrel and fired a shot at the squirrel and missed it.

The squirrel disappeared into a hole in a cottonwood tree. As he went further, he saw a large wild 'Tom' turkey in the tree, but he had only one bullet remaining.

A voice spoke to him and said, 'Pray first, aim high and stay focused.'

However, at the same time, he saw a deer which was a better kill. He brought the gun down and aimed at the deer. But, then he saw a rattlesnake between his legs about to bite him, so he naturally brought the gun down further to shoot the rattlesnake.

Still, the voice said again to him, 'I said 'Pray, Aim high and Stay focused.'

So, the man decided to listen to God's voice. He prayed, then aimed the gun high up in the tree and shot the wild turkey. The bullet bounced off the turkey and killed the deer. The handle fell off the gun and hit the snake in the head and killed it.

And, when the gun had gone off, it knocked him into a pond. When he stood up to look around, he had fish in all his pockets, a dead deer and a turkey to eat for his family.

The snake (Satan) was dead simply because the man listened to God.

Moral of the story:

Pray first before you do anything, Aim and shoot high in your goals, and stay focused on God. Never let others discourage you concerning your past. The past is exactly that. 'the past.'

Live every day one day at a time and remember that only God knows our future and that He will not put you through any more than you can bear. Do not look to man for your blessings,

but look to the doors that only.

He has prepared in advance for you in your favor.

Wait, be still and patient: keep God first and everything else will follow.

The Fall of Man

Now I have a few questions:
1) God didn't officially tell Eve about the forbidden tree/fruit; who told her? Who is in this case, responsible to tell her?
Is it Adam?
My opinion is that, Adam is responsible to tell Eve, just like a Christian is responsible to share the Good News/Gospel to others in order for them to do the "RIGHT" thing.

2) Why did the Serpent only approach Eve? Why not Adam?
When I was writing this question, I thought I sounded like, "Hey God, why me?" didn't I?

These questions are interesting because, I don't know the answer and they some how linked together.
First, if Adam didn't tell Eve, Eve will be ignorant to the sin and will have sin.
Second, if Adam did tell Eve as God told him, Eve has no excuse but to make the right decision of not eating the fruit.
Three, if Adam had told Eve not exactly as God told him, Eve might misunderstood and eat the fruit and blame Adam. However, in this scenario, Eve blamed the Serpent. So, does it mean that Adam told Eve clearly and Eve actually knew what to do but still fail to persevere?

Well, if you would, please drop me a comment. Thanks.

what is your strength?

One day, I was preparing for next day's interview and wonder how people answer when the interviewer ask what is their strength. So I googled "what is my strength" and found this:

The Lord is my strength

I was Amazed by this powerful statement. This is far better than getting any other results!

Sometimes people ask me why do I believe in God, there you see, this is how my God, my Lord amazed me and He is my strength. I shall fear not for the Lord my God is my strength and I went for the interview confidently.

Fear not of anyone or anything for the the Lord your God is your strength. I will remember this forever because He is and will ever be.

Having a hard time to wake up in the morning?

Try to get this The butler alarm clock that says, “I’m so sorry to disturb you but it appears to be morning. Very
inconvenient, I agree . . . I believe it is the rotation of the earth
that is to blame.”

Muahahaha... you will never be late.

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Biometric Credit Card Security

Japanese look at fingers as credit cards

This is terrible. I'm foreseeing the new crime: finger cutting...

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God can make a bad day into a better one...

As I browse through blogs in blogger... I found this...
laughter gets me through the day.

Her profile: http://www.blogger.com/profile/09290147899103632963

I don't know if God does have anything to do with my life but definitely I believe, He turns my dull and distress day into a better day.

My brain was wandering the whole day... I was some how waiting for some phone calls don't know from who... Even if I switch it off, I'll keep my eye on it. Sounds foolish huh.

Well, that blog obviously gave me something:

i'm learning that as long as you know who you are and do what makes you happy, everything eventually will fall into place. proverbs 3:5-6.

yes the truth hurts, but don't you know a lie can break your heart?

and

Even the best
fall down sometimes.
Even the wrong word
sseem to rhyme.
Out of the
doubt that fills
my mind, I
somehow find you
and I collide.

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Unfair is fair

How unfair is this world? we said. But this is called fair.

We often think that we deserve better which is unfair but we thought it is fair.

We often get a better opportunity and missed it. It is unfair but it is fair because we are not prepared.

We always think that other people should treat us fair but this is unfair because they can treat you as fair as THEY think so.

So, is it fair or unfair?

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Joke of the Day from AskMen.com

Court Docket
A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. So she immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned to a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed even more amused. When, on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this... When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming,' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Slogan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself. But your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident,' I just lost it."

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Is your computer effective?

Optimize your computer for peak performance

See this article by Microsoft to safe your computer from breakdowns.

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"Happy Birthday to You" is Copyrighted!!!

Discovery MythBusters

Ever wondered why some restaurants make up their own silly birthday songs for their staff to sing to patrons? It's so they don't have to pay royalties. Every time you celebrate someone's birthday at a restaurant or other public place, you are technically committing copyright infringement by singing "Happy Birthday to You" to the birthday girl or boy.



The tune was written by sisters Mildred and Patty Hill in 1893, and copyrighted in 1934 by their sister Jessica. Although the original copyright would have expired in 1991, two intervening acts of Congress have extended it through at least 2030. The song earns about $2 million per year in royalties — and would probably make a lot more if The American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers (ASCAP) had a representative enforcing the copyright at restaurants.

Believe it or not when you sing this song to your friend, you are infringing the copyright.



On top of that, you are against the law every time you sing it in the original tune and lyrics.



So, you've sinned many many times ignorantly. Now can you say you never sin? Oh, definitely "NO"



hahahaha...

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Nokia N95 vs iPhone

"The better product doesn’t always win in the marketplace unfortunately."

A quote from this article: The better iPhone: Nokia N95?



What do you think? N95? iPhone?



Obviously N95 is more functional but iPhone is more "COOL" and cool is the key to most of the people who buys~



You say?

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Movie - Sad story

As technology advances, people are getting more and more shallow. More and more Gay Movies are coming out with new stars acting in the film. What's wrong with the world?



Yes, Gay are human, we are not suppose to reject them but nor they are suppose to be encouraged to do what so ever is deemed sinful nature.



I can only sigh, "God, please save them as their sinful nature blinded them."



Feeling sad for the people...



"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see." ~ Lyrics from Amazing Grace

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Movie - "The Reaping"

Does it ring you on anything by looking at the title?



At first I thought, 'Oh boy, another Horror movie?'. I had a second thought after seeing the synopsis. I thought it is pretty much of a some sort of "Christian" portray movie. Well, I decided to go for the trailer on the official website. I hope to review the movie to see if it is truly about Christian faith or it is just another "Da Vinci Code" that twisted God.



For I think if gossiping about people is wrong and bad, what about talking bad about God who is our creator and ever Holy and Truth.



If you think seeing is believing, you can really see God. How? Build a relationship with Him. It is just like you and another person will never meet unless you are at the same place for someday. So, no harm trying isn't it?



"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and Only Begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal live" ~ Holy Bible John 3:16



You'll never forget your experience with God~~~

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Free time...

Had been a long time since I last visited a blog which I will always do to sort of be updated about someone.



I've long lost the feeling of getting back to the blog and feel the life of another person at the other side of the world. I'm here, living my life out of it.



So even if I'm getting some time for myself, I wouldn't visit it. Even if I'm damn bored, I'm not going there. It makes me feel disgusting visiting. I don't know, I just don't feel quite right.



Gals are hard to understand, even myself, I find it quite difficult to comprehend. Do you get me?

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Life

Life's about money? Is that so?



Life's about love? Love just ain't enough to survive... rounds back to money...



Life's about faith? Faith doesn't earn you a cent... rounds back to basic...



Life's about war? War is just cruel to make you sick... no money no gun...



Life's about what?

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Keep your head

You know, I SMSed a friend two nights ago, and it came out failed after 24 hours. I don't know what to do now.



I was downloading this Mac OS X86 for a friend, and of course I'm likely to play with this piece of new discovery myself but when I started to think, I'm just so geek - not enough time to find out new things about computer technology and I'll even get aroused when I see the downloading speed is up and I'm nearer to the success of getting what I want in my own thoughts.



I just need to keep my head down so that I don't do stupid things again. But I'm not sure how. I'm not sure how to make things right. Is there any manual or something about life that I can follow step by step? I don't see how am I suppose to live without money, without water, without food. And foremost, what is all these for? What is all these about?



Sometimes when some friends questioned me when I said, 'accordingly, this is right', what are you based on to say it is right? It is so hard for me to say it's the Bible that I believe in. So how true is this Bible, they'll asked. What do you think I should say? Or should I just keep my head and smile back with not a word?



It's difficult for me to find any common ground especially in terms of trend of thoughts with someone who has a different religion (I'd use this word) as me. They think different from me. If I were to lower my ground to reach them, I fear if I'd be dragged along into the darkness of life. I don't wanna get someone who is so good and nice before we get so close and then only found out that we're not for each other and break up. This had happened before and it hurts so much that I couldn't say I'm ok now. I'm not. So, I wonder very much.



May be someday, the Bible will show me the right way to go upon with life, with my currently rotting life...

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Reward vs Bribe

Subject: Police gets RM100 reward if you bribe them.



The Police are smart, we must be smarter, spread this news around so that we don't get arrested for trying to bribe.





This is just a gimmick by police...they will tahan u...then ask to pay bribe RM30...then when u giv they will catch u for bribing them...after tht they get RM 100...see how business are done...



Newspapers a few days ago. They are raising rewards to police to RM100 for reporting bribes made to them. So if u think u can get away with a bribe of RM50 for a traffic offence, better think again.



Cash reward for cops who arrest anyone trying to bribe them KUALA LUMPUR: A cash reward of up to RM100 and a letter of commendation will be given to police personnel who arrest anyone who attempts to bribe them.



Acting Inspector-General of Police Datuk Musa Hassan said the reward would be for Traffic, Criminal Investigations Department and Narcotics Department police personnel. He added that the reward was to spur policemen to uphold the integrity of the force. "The reward offer is also to let our men know that we appreciate them for their honesty and loyalty. "We also hope to inculcate in our men that accepting bribes is a very serious offence and does not pay," he added. In Kuantan, Pahang police chief Datuk Ramli Yusuff said the cash reward would be double the bribe offered and up to a maximum of RM100. Ramli told Bernama that the reward would be paid after the person who offered the bribe had been charged and the case concluded in the courts. "I will personally hand over the reward to the police personnel concerned," he said, adding that the incentive would be paid from the Pahang Police Fund. Earlier, at the monthly parade held at state police headquarters, Ramli said L/Kpl B! akri Pandak Ahmad of the Kuantan traffic police was rewarded with RM100 last month for arresting a man who had offered him a RM50 bribe.

aren't they making themselves look like monkey or clown? Making fun of themselves in front of public! This is awful.



Since young we were taught to maintain our dignity. We were taught that studying is for own good and gifts are just an incentives of your hard work and should never be misunderstood that study is to get the reward. So by putting this as the foundation, isn't the police forces working the other way round? Making police force take no bribes for the reward?



What is happening? Let me point out what's wrong with the quote above. Although it is taken from a forward mail but I think if this is in fact the real case, our society has better look into the root of the problem and not just temporary cover the surface.



First, Reward = Appreciation (Honesty and Loyalty). Does honesty and loyalty count with money? Where is the dignity in police? The root problem of this is the unequipped serving heart.



Second, Bride = does NOT pay (either way they are getting the cash payment). So accepting bribe is getting money, reporting bribe gets the same as well. What if people are willing to pay higher bribes? Does that sounds to you that the police can ask for higher bribes? So does the rewarding system actually works because they have to wait until case close while bribery has immediate pay...



Well, I do not see the gist of implementing such reward system. One thing I want to say is the education system of Malaysia. If we train the next generation well and we ourselves are man of word, we do not need to worry about wrong doings happening. However, if we accept bribes ourselves, then there is no point saying other people are doing wrong. Just the same as queuing. If the father doesn't queue up, the son will not even if the father insist he does so. See, the truth lies beneath. It is the father who does and the son follows. Not the other way round.



I'd like to use one sentence to conclude my thoughts. The son sees what the father is doing and follow. Remember, the younger generation will follow your foot steps. If you want them to be good, change yourself first.

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God will not answer me...

I haven't been very good spiritually. I haven't worship Him.



Only when comes to trouble times, I turn to Him.



I said He is my God but I did not worship Him as He deserve.



He will not answer me for my needs because I disrespected Him.



I deserve nothing but He Loves me.



My heart is a stronghold of the evil one, my heart does not worship.



I'm condemn for what I did.



I'm sorry for the things I made.



Father, may you bless me with a soft heart.



To worship you wholeheartedly, to seek you wisely.



I want to be but I was in bondage.



Break me free, so that I hear you...

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Though I...

Though I work very hard to tell people how hard I work, I was undervalued because I didn't produce the expected outcome.

Though I sit very straight to maintain my position, I was treated like I purposely block the people behind.

Though I ask God to protect me, I underestimate him and overdo on myself.



Though I did a lot of good things, I was not as good in others' eyes.



Faithful God, can you help me to gain insights from all these doubts and disbelief?

Faithful God, help me to be faithful...



Though I doubt, though I wonder, I want to be happy and believing. Cherish by your love is the ultimate goal isn't it?

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[from The Dog's Name] Dating Style

http://thedogsname.blogspot.com/2007/01/dating-styles.html

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[from other bloggers]What price friendship

http://thedogsname.blogspot.com/2006/01/what-price-friendship.html

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Type of friends. Will you regret?

There are so called many types of friends.

Some you can pour out your inner self;

some you can only share the brain knowledge;

some you can only share the same exercise,

some you can go traveling;

some you can go fishing;

some you can really talk/chat hours after hours;

some you can only be listener;

some you can only hope for when you're rich;

...



and many more types of friend if you wanna label them or categorize them.



But in our relationships, we base everything on this little thing called "TRUST". Merely just a simple word that says both of you are related.



I've been struggling hard. Now I know how the Father feels when we, the children do not trust Him, the Almighty God. Heart broken and sad.



So, will you regret to lose some one as a friend?

If you lost a chat buddy, you can easily get one;

if you lost a busy body, you can still get one or might as well be one;

if you lost someone to your heart, man, I'm not God, I'd really feel deeply hurt and sad, don't you think this is what you'll say?



I lost someone dear to my heart once. We were friends, deeply connected friends. Some how our point of view changes, our relationship shaken. We talk no longer about other things than school work, we play no longer because we like to hang out together, we eat no longer because we wanna fellowship, but on top of all because we respect each other as human.



Some what, there are more reasons to hate one than to love one because we human beings are so sinful. Yet, God loves us all, we try our best to love and to unconditionally love but we're weaklings and will somehow fail some stage.



Well, doesn't matter, I guess. The reason we're on earth is to learn how to become a more comprehensive and better person.



Do not regret but evaluate and proceed.

I always remind myself with this and proceed on with the next level in life.



A quote from a friend from a song:

La tristesse durera toujours = the sadness will last forever



To SHARE is to CARE ~ care to share?



May our lives be better and brighter as tomorrow approaches...

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Programmer vs. Developer

Small ISVs(Independent Software Vendor): You need Developers, not Programmers



This article is using a small company as a context, suggesting relevant issues regarding the term programmer and developer.



It is very easy to understand and it really does clear my doubts on how people work (job scope of the position).



Nowadays, companies are hiring people with diverse knowledge and therefore, a more comprehensive person is preferred.



Now I see how the trainings, exposures, and trouble shooting skills of mine get me a job.



I would suggest anyone who is still reluctant, to start thinking about changing your working style. Seriously consider about the overall environment that affects the outcome of your work. You are working to achieve better outcome and not static content.



I hope people would one day all being able to live a life in it's full length and not limiting their ability!



Further: from HACKNOT: Developers are from Mars, Programmers are from Venus

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Friendship: Worth or Not?

Quoted from Ting Fang's Blog: “Friend comes in and out in my life, you are only one of my passenger.”



Friendship. I started to wonder...



Let's ponder... Is someone a friend when you cannot trust and share?



Do you or do you not hurt by your love ones? You're hurt by you family members and yet you cannot do anything but continue to love them. But friends, you get to choose.



I've heard some definitions about friend: "A person whom you would share your ups and downs." Doesn't that requires a minimum trust?



I think friendship is just a term we use to put on or label the people around us. As two people grow closer, they become friends but realistically they don't, they just become two persons. Living in different family, sharing different thoughts and never have same conclusion upon everything. Because we are still two.



My expectations on friends were high. I thought we at least share something in common. But now, I'd rather keep quite than say a lot. I'll say when it is necessary. Even if I possess the knowledge, I wouldn't care much to share as there is no solid reason for me to share.



I lose trust and faith in human being. May be that matters only to my relationship with God. So, the best thing to do is to keep quite. As long as I say nothing, share nothing, I'd be clean from other people's book of record and after that shall disappear and never appear again.



Anyway, thanks for being my friend since. Only true friends shine. In the end, please get me right, I'm just trying to tell you, don't play play. Friendship is like fire, if you get too near, you get burnt; if you stay too far, you freeze. But there is no measurement because it depends on whether the fire is huge or just a catch of it.



Happy Friendship-ing~

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Malaysian Animated Series! Syoknya!

Here comes Malaysian Animated Saladin~

Wow



Great! Gotta give them some support: http://www.saladin.tv/main.php



Trailer: "The wise men says, 'We do not choose our destiny, it chooses us'."

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3 days before school starts

Today after CRSM meeting, I came back to hostel. Met a girl on the same floor. We had a short chat. She's studying medicine in UM, living at the other side of the elevator. Pretty nice, nice chat. She said she admire people who studies computer or mathematics, which includes me! So nice!

Later I started to download bleach musics, then chat with a long lost friend. We exchanged interest on songs and she told me she wanted to cry. I said, do so, I'm with you.

As I started to develop a habit of reading online news, I read a short story from sinchew daily. It was about a decision of a girl. Who made a painful but right choice and had a happy life after all. Nice!

As I lift my head to look out of the window, I saw the bright and shinny moon. Superb! But now the cloud is starting to steal it from my sight.

Reread a newspaper article, saying we do not have enough reading and that's why our common knowledge is so poor. He, Lee Jia Tong, suggested us to read:
1) Classics/Literature
2) Critics/Discussions
3) Judgment and Detective Novels
4) Interesting Knowledgeable article

Decided to spend my long lost friend a Saturday of Karaoke. We'd been missing each other for long.

Oh, met U-Fish's girl friend Elynne?(not sure how to spell) or may be is Evonne? hahaha... doesn't matter. Had dinner with Max, Fay and her bf, U-Fish and his girl friend. Thanks U-Fish for sending me and Max back to hostel.

Oh, gotta work on CRSM harder for public presentation soon.

Preparing to face my new and final semester challenges! Yeah~

Babe

Found myself someone who loves me much, who treasures me much. May be it's the distance geographically that makes us able to see the goodness of the other. Yes, she is pretty and nice, especially loves me.

I will try very hard to treasure this friend. We'd been very well together for about 6 months and this is a new year. Let's start a fresh page this year. May God bless me with a good relationship this time.

So, I am someone's babe. She is my babe. Let's see this friendship shines. At least I want to make sure things doesn't go bad until we can't be friends. That was a sad case during my form 1 where I "broke up" with a friend. That was a very sad period.

God, help me. This time I need to be and take up the responsibility to become a good friend since she start to treasure me before I act, just like Wen. Other than repaying the good, help me to treat her sincerely.

May happiness be the promises that connects us. We promised each other to become happy. So we always send good things and good words.

Happiness may it be unto you from God. *wink*